“I just worry about you, honey.”

Exhaling softly, I turn and look at my dad. “I know you do, Dad, but Sebastian isn’t going to be there and Evan and I can tolerate each other from a distance. It’s a big campus and I doubt we’ll even see each other. I’m going to be a freshman and he’s a junior, there’s literally no reason for our paths to cross.”

Dad nods, but from the furrow in his brow I can tell he doesn’t believe the bullshit coming out of my mouth any more than I do.

A little over two and a half years ago when I boarded the plane to Maine to visit Dad, everyone—including me—assumed I’d be back in Green Acres after New Year’s. But then I stepped off the plane in a different state and breathed in the first full breath I’d taken since the first day of school when Sebastian told me I was his.

For the first time in months, I kept my own schedule and relaxed. The more I relaxed the less I wanted to go home. The first few days, Sebastian rang and video called me relentlessly but the cell phone signal here is awful when the weather gets bad and suddenly I was completely out of his reach and it was awesome.

Spending time with my dad was great, Christmas was a chilled-out day spent in our pj’s watching Christmas movies and eating a turkey dinner off trays on our laps. It wasn’t until a couple of days before I was due to fly home that I realized I didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want to go home. The first panic attack took both me and my dad by surprise. When he took me to the emergency room and the doctor suggested he thought I was suffering with anxiety, I used it as an excuse to extend my trip by a couple of days. My plane tickets were transferable and school didn’t start for a couple of days anyway.

The second panic attack came when Dad asked me if I was looking forward to seeing my boyfriend. That was the day I told him everything about Sebastian, about my mom and Courtney. When he suggested I could move to Maine permanently and live with him, I cried happy tears.

Mom lost her shit. She flew out to Maine, screaming and shouting, yelling at me, yelling at Dad, it was a mess. When I sat her down and told her I didn’t want to live with her anymore, she told me I was behaving like a child and that until I learned to grow up, I shouldn’t bother to call her. It was over a year before we spoke again.

Sebastian came to see me several times, he told me if I refused to come back he’d take away everything I loved. I believed him, but what he didn’t realize was that he’d done that already when he stole my mom and my best friend from me. After six months and several changes of cell phone numbers, he gave up. But he did what he said he would, my relationship with my mom is broken beyond repair and no matter how many times I reach out to Courtney she’s never called or texted even once.