Lifting her hand, I take it from my neck and curl it around, placing it on the back of her own neck, positioning her finger over her own tracker.

“How?” she pants.

I don’t want to, but I let go of her hand and exhale as I prepare to tell her everything. “The day we came to you at the diner, you passed out in the car on the way home. I had our family doctor come to check on you. He gave you some water to drink that I had him lace with a sedative. While you were asleep, I had him implant that into your neck.”

Her hand trembles as she lifts it to cover her mouth.

“I swear to you that I have never activated it, not before tonight, but when you went missing and your security didn’t know where you were I freaked out. I’m not sorry that I did this to you, because it got me there in time to protect you, but I am sorry for how I went about having it fitted in the first place.”

Her eyes are wide and she’s looking at me like she has no idea who I am, like I’m as big a monster as the man who had her pinned to the floor tonight, and maybe I am.

“I’ve never felt anything like the obsession that consumed me the day I saw you for the first time. I’m not saying that to excuse everything that I’ve done, I’m just trying to explain it maybe. Being an only child and coming from the family I do, I’m used to being spoiled, it doesn’t hurt that I look the way I do. Until you, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t fall at my feet and agree to do whatever I wanted just to please me. As conceited as it sounds, it really never even crossed my mind that you wouldn’t want to be my girlfriend.”

Swallowing thickly I look at her, knowing that after tonight she’ll never be mine again, but knowing that I need to tell her anyway.

“I thought you were playing hard to get, that the push and pull was all just a game. And then you ran. When I first assigned the security team to you, it was out of hurt pride. If I couldn’t be happy with you, then I wouldn’t let you be happy with anyone else either. It wasn’t until I got you here that I saw the damage I’ve done to you. A part of me wants to lie and say that I’m sorry, that I wish I could go back and stop myself from falling in love with you on the first day of your freshmen year. But I don’t. I will never regret loving you, because even though you were barely mine for a few weeks, they were still the best days of my life. I lied when I told you I was setting you free after you got to Kingsacre, I never intended to leave you alone. I told myself it was just another game to let you think you were free, so when you did come back to me, it would be willingly. But I fucked up and because I’m an asshole I pushed you toward that guy. I’m so fucking sorry, Starling. You got hurt, you were nearly raped because I’m an asshole who can’t deal with the woman I love not loving me back. But I promise, I fucking promise that I’ll leave you alone from now on. I’m gonna pack a case and tomorrow, I’m going to transfer back to Harvard. I’ll make this right.”