RUPERT. And before that I did the sleep deprivation, I was hallucinating for five days. I saw pixies in my soup. Do you know what that’s like? To be eating a bowl of minestrone and see evil pixies frolicking on your spoon?

CHARLOTTE. Is that a Nigella?

RUPERT. You promised. No more Man Challenges.

AIDAN. Okay. Sam?

SAM. Yes?

AIDAN. Do you want to go to the Arctic?

SAM. When?

AIDAN. Next week.

SAM. It’s my girlfriend’s birthday.

AIDAN. Take her! See how many times you can have sex in sub-zero temperatures.

RUPERT. Before it goes black and falls off.

AIDAN. We’ll call it ‘Love in a Cold Climate’.

CHARLOTTE. It’s what Nancy Mitford would have wanted, Sam.

SAM. No, I’d, really like that, it’s just – I’ve booked a thing. For my girlfriend’s birthday, it’s her thirtieth / and –

RUPERT. Harold and Maude.

SAM. And I want to make it special so I booked this thing, I’ve been saving up my holiday time – I did clear it with Sarah.

AIDAN. What is it?

SAM. It’s just, a thing.

CHARLOTTE. A thing.

SAM. A thing, a treat a, surprise.

,

CHARLOTTE. Yeah?

SAM. No I’m just. It’s a bit.

,

Well, she’s called Rona. My girlfriend. Her parents named her after this island, in Scotland, which was where, well, they always said that’s where they fell in love, and they always promised to take her, but they never did and now, well, they both died, her mum last year, her dad like, five years ago.

And I’ve booked a sleeper train to Glasgow. And I’ve hired a car and, we’re going to drive out there, you have to go on a ferry and I found this, tiny little house on the beach that used to be a shepherd’s hut only someone did it up, it’s in the middle of a bird sanctuary and – she’s got this thing about puffins, she just –

Well, she really loves puffins, like if you ever need to get her a present, you just get her something with a puffin on it, like a mug or a T-shirt and she just, that just makes her day, and you can see them, the puffins, from this house and we both, we really like swimming in the sea, especially when it’s cold, that’s one of our things. And. And.

And I bought a ring.

So when we get to the island, and we’ve seen the birds, and we’ve swum in the sea –

I’m going to ask her.

,

So if it’s alright, I’d rather not go to the Arctic.

,

RUPERT. I think I’m in love.

CHARLOTTE. That’s very… that’s, / very lovely, Sam.

RUPERT rubs at his eyes, tearful.

RUPERT. I’ve gone. I’ve actually gone.

AIDAN. Write it. Write about that for us.

SAM. You want me to –