I just want to start by saying thank you. I know how hard you’ve all worked, these last few issues, and I want you to know it’s been noted, and appreciated. Charlotte, I’ll send round an email, but if you could pass on my gratitude to the rest of the staff?

CHARLOTTE notes this down.

However, there’s a long way to go. The climate is very hostile. As you know, two of the publications in our demographic have gone under in the last three months.

Half-hearted cheer from CHARLOTTE, RUPERT and SAM.

We’ve gained a little from their readership, but not as much as we’d like. And this is an opportunity, I don’t think we’ve fully grasped that yet, I mean we’ve got the C2DEs, they’re with us, but if we’re clever we can broaden our appeal, scoop up some of those ABC1s – you don’t look excited.

Everyone tries to look excited.

This is exciting. We’re not talking about editorial overhaul, but a tactical repositioning. There’s an existing mission statement, no one’s saying touch the statement, Roger’s certainly not saying that, but I’m giving you licence here to be bold, guys, be brave, yeah? There’s always room for jokes, there’s always room for boobs, that’s a given, but what else is there room for?

RUPERT puts his hand up.

Rupert?

RUPERT. Bums?

AIDAN. Bums don’t sell, what I’m saying is, is let’s really live in the spaces between the boobs, yeah? Let’s not let them outgrow us, I want you all to keep putting yourselves in the head of that eighteen- to thirty-five-year-old man. Thinking about who he is and what he wants to spend his disposable income on, what does he talk about with his mates, what makes him laugh, what Doghouse magazine can give him that he can’t get anywhere else.

So, on that note.

Our next Man Challenge.

The others groan.

Who wants to go to the Arctic for a week? Charlotte?

CHARLOTTE. Survey says uh-uh.

AIDAN. Rupes?

RUPERT. Already been.

AIDAN. When?

RUPERT. School trip.

SAM. What’s it like?

RUPERT. Pretty cold.

AIDAN. We’ll get you some mittens.

RUPERT. No. I’m sorry but no, I did the diet. You said, if I did the diet I didn’t have to do any more Man Challenges for at least six months, you said.

AIDAN. But this one will be fun.

RUPERT. I ate nothing but meat for six weeks, Aidan.

AIDAN. The readers loved it.

RUPERT. I had to go to the hospital to get my bowel medically dis-impacted.

AIDAN. The message boards went crazy.