Chapters (9)
MIRANDA. Well, she wouldn’t, lovely. Not to you. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe the letters / we get on this topic.
SAM. She’s quite confident.
MIRANDA. The emails. You know, the whole time you were making love, she was probably consumed by this. By the desperate hope that you hadn’t noticed.
SAM. It really didn’t affect her. Us.
MIRANDA. But it did affect you, lovely. You broke up. Because you had noticed, hadn’t you? You had / noticed.
SAM. Yes. But that’s not why we –
MIRANDA. Yes?
SAM. Yes. / I noticed.
MIRANDA. Yes, men do. Men do notice these things because, frankly, publications like the one you used to work for create a climate. They create a climate, and she would have known that – you said she was clever so trust me, she would’ve known that.
SAM. I hope not.
MIRANDA. No, lovely, she would.
,
She leans over him, clicks up the JPEGs on the screen again.
Look at the pictures. Examine the pictures. And do the same thing you did to your girlfriend. Just notice.
SAM. Notice what. In particular?
MIRANDA. Anything. Wrinkles. Acne. Crow’s feet. Orange-peel skin. Thigh bulge. Sagging breasts. Flat chests. Double chins. Facial hair. Bad boob jobs. Misaligned toes. Caesarean scars. Visible pubic hair. Bingo wings. Varicose veins.
Yellow teeth. Tan lines. Muffin tops. Veined hands. Erect nipples. Bitten nails. Black roots. It’s there if you look for it. I’m just asking you to look for it.
SAM. Erect nipples aren’t really a flaw, as such, are they?
MIRANDA. Anything disgusting.
SAM. I mean, in cold water, in the sea, that’s quite a natural –
MIRANDA. Anything unsightly.
SAM. We used to seek out erect nipples at Doghouse!
He laughs. She doesn’t.
MIRANDA. Put a red circle around it. Caption it. Go on to the next one.
Can you do that?
,
Lovely?
,
Do you think you can do that?
,
Sam? I’m sorry, but the girls are waiting, do you think you / can –
SAM. Yes. I can do that.
,
MIRANDA. Go on then.
,
SAM puts his hand on the mouse. He starts to work on the images. She stands behind him, scrutinising his work over his shoulder. She moisturises her hands.
Good.
,
Very good.
,
This is great, Sam.
She keeps her eyes focused on the screen and his work as she reaches into her handbag, takes out a green, purple and white sash and slips it on.
This is wonderful.
,
This is exactly what I asked for.
Sudden black.
End.