She puts on some music through her computer. As she gets ready for the party she sings along to music, dances a little. She strips down to bra, knickers and tights. She applies a line of hair-removal cream to her top lip. She pulls on a tight pair of Spanx over her existing underwear. She runs a straightener through her hair. She reapplies her make-up. She pulls on a pair of exfoliating gloves and rubs at her upper arms. She moisturises her upper arms. She soaks some cotton wool in orange juice and eats it. She unzips a garment bag hanging on the back of her door, takes her costume out and puts it on: a neat-waisted jacket with some corsetry and leg-of-mutton sleeves, but low-cut in the front, a straight high-waisted Edwardian skirt. She slips two chicken fillets into her bra. She pulls from under her desk a plastic Waitrose bag. Takes out a pair of stilettos from it, puts them on. She opens a drawer. Takes out a hammer. A knock on the door. MIRANDA sighs. She goes to get the door, remembers, quickly wipes the hair-removal cream off her lip with a tissue. Another knock at the door.

Come in!

SAM is standing there. He doesn’t speak or move.

Oh. Hi, Sam.

He doesn’t move. As if the will to return to this room is a delicate thing, and might be punctured by sudden movement.

Can I help you?

,

You look a bit peaky, d’you want to… sit down, would you like a glass of water?

,

Sam?

,

She turns off the music. SAM stares straight ahead.

Lovely?

,

Can I –

SAM. She had very large nipples.

,

MIRANDA. Did she?

SAM. Yes.

,

Yes they were very large.

,

MIRANDA. I’ve only got a minute.

SAM. Please.

MIRANDA nods. Guides SAM to her desk.

MIRANDA. Sit down, lovely.

She pulls out her chair. He sits down in her chair behind the desk.

You were saying.

SAM breathes. Looks down.

SAM. Yes they were very large they were completely disproportionate to her actual breasts.

MIRANDA. And you didn’t like that?

SAM. Well, I loved her so.

MIRANDA. But it repulsed you a little bit.

SAM. No, not repulsed, not –

MIRANDA. But if you could have changed that, that detail about her, you would?

,

Lovely? If you could, you / probably –

SAM. I spose. Maybe. Yes. If I had to.

MIRANDA. I don’t blame you. That sort of thing, if I saw her, your girlfriend, if I used the same gym as her and I saw her in the showers I would notice that too and, can I be honest with you, something like that would probably make me a bit queasy.

SAM. It wasn’t a thing, / I liked her breasts, it wasn’t like a –

MIRANDA. You know and of course she was probably crippled internally by the knowledge of her deformity.

SAM. She never mentioned it.