She steers him up from his chair, seats him in her chair, behind the desk, leans over him to operate the mouse on her computer.

This is something we do with everyone, just open this up…

She clicks on a file.

Three JPEGs of three women.

SAM. Famous or normal?

The file is opened. She leans back.

MIRANDA. Famous, obviously. Beach shots. You know how to use Photoshop I take it?

SAM. Yeah.

MIRANDA. You know how to draw a red circle using Photoshop?

SAM. Well. Yeah.

MIRANDA. Good. Show me.

SAM. Sorry?

MIRANDA. This one. Show me on this one.

SAM. Show you what?

MIRANDA. Show me how you can put red circles around the flaws on this woman’s body, and then caption them.

SAM. This woman?

MIRANDA. Yes.

SAM. Her?

MIRANDA. Yes.

SAM. Is this a trick?

MIRANDA. That would be a waste of my time.

SAM. No of course but –

MIRANDA. It’s just a simple exercise we ask / everyone to –

SAM. She was number three in our ‘Hottest Hollywood Honeys’ last year.

MIRANDA. Our?

SAM. Sorry. Doghouse. She was number three.

MIRANDA. Okay well, we’re not small boys drooling over girls that wouldn’t look twice at us now, are we?

SAM. No.

MIRANDA. We’re confident, modern, media-literate women between the ages of twenty-five and forty-five who earn upwards of twenty thousand pounds a year, aren’t we?

SAM. Yes.

MIRANDA. We’re leaders, thinkers, dreamers, shoppers, upscale ABC1 women with upscale ABC1 purchasing habits (we’re not cold-calling Ginsters pasties for a problem-page sponsorship here). We care about achieving a two-state solution in the Middle East and we think female genital mutilation is totally out of order but actually you know that’s not all we want to think about when we’ve had a long day and that’s not a crime, is it?

SAM. No. Of course not.

MIRANDA. We love shoes! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

SAM. Who doesn’t?

MIRANDA. You understand I’m speaking synecdochally here, don’t you? That’s what our readership is so that’s what we are, yes?

SAM. Yes. But –

MIRANDA moisturises her hands.

MIRANDA. So that’s how we have to think now, lovely. With our brains, not our genitalia. So, just have a little look at the picture and show me where her flaws are.

SAM. But she’s perfect.

She sighs.

No, I don’t mean – for normal women, for normal women she’s a, a –

He thinks he is saying what she wants to hear.

She’s an unhealthy role model – projecting, well, damaging standards of unnatural physical, you know. Perfection.

MIRANDA laughs.

MIRANDA. Sorry, lovely, does this look like the Guardian?

SAM. Sorry?

MIRANDA. She’s not perfect.

SAM. No but. I mean, she’s an actress. She’s a film star. It’s her job to be perfect.