SAM. It was just a combination of things that had, built up for a while and sort of, came to a head recently.

MIRANDA. Because of the fourteen-year-old girl?

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SAM. Aidan told you.

MIRANDA. It’s the industry, isn’t it? Word gets about. He feels very bad apparently.

SAM. I know.

MIRANDA. But you did sign it off. And there had to some accountability, didn’t there? Don’t worry, I completely understand. My heart goes out to you, it really does. Specially in this climate.

SAM. Yeah.

MIRANDA. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Her or you?

SAM. Sorry?

MIRANDA. Who broke it off?

SAM. Uh, it was a mutual, a mutual sort of, both of us –

MIRANDA. Well, that’s what people always say, isn’t it?

SAM. No but it actually was –

MIRANDA. But who said the words?

SAM. Both of us.

MIRANDA. Both of you said the words! At exactly the same time?

SAM. No but –

MIRANDA. So who said the words?

SAM. She did, it was her, but that / was after –

MIRANDA. That’s all I wanted to know. Simple question, lovely!

SAM. No but I pushed her to, I basically forced her to, I’ve not been myself, I, I’ve found it quite difficult, the last nine months, I’ve found it quite difficult to process what, what – happened. And what that means.

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MIRANDA. I don’t think it means anything, does it?

SAM. Well, that was her opinion, but –

MIRANDA moisturises her hands.

MIRANDA. It makes me laugh, your generation, you always want to find the meaning! Thought we’d got past all that! Shit happens! What does shit mean? Nothing, it’s just shit!

SAM. Well, it did mean something actually, it meant I lost my job, it meant I spent some time thinking I might be arrested, it meant I sort of changed, as a person which made her sort of, change around me, it meant that she’s moved out and the furniture was all hers so I’m sleeping on the floor, in a bag and eating dinner off an inflatable stool. Shit. Sorry I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say shit, that’s just. Inappropriate, can I start again?

,

MIRANDA. And that’s it, is it? You and her?

SAM. The interview. Can I start again?

MIRANDA. Definitely dead in the water?

SAM. I’m still hopeful.

MIRANDA. Course you are. You’ll sort it out. You’re brilliant. You’re a catch. I’d love to have you as my boyfriend!

SAM. Okay well. Thanks.

MIRANDA. I am seeing other people for the position.

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SAM. I. Well, that’s –

MIRANDA. For the job, I mean.

SAM. Oh! Of course. Yes.

MIRANDA. You thought I meant!

SAM. No, no I just –

MIRANDA. What, d’you think you’re out of my league!

SAM. No of course not, I just –

MIRANDA. Menopausal old hag’s coming on to me, argh!