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Chapters (109)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Praise for Tim Weaver
  4. Dedication
  5. Part One
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. Joline
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. The Motel
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. Part Two
  21. 13
  22. 14
  23. Caraca
  24. 15
  25. 16
  26. 17
  27. Late-Night Call
  28. 18
  29. 19
  30. 20
  31. Pioneer
  32. Part Three
  33. 21
  34. 22
  35. 23
  36. The Suicide: Part 1
  37. 24
  38. 25
  39. 26
  40. The Suicide: Part 2
  41. 27
  42. 28
  43. 29
  44. Clear: Part 1
  45. 30
  46. 31
  47. Clear: Part 2
  48. Part Four
  49. 32
  50. 33
  51. 34
  52. Monster
  53. 35
  54. 36
  55. 37
  56. Martina: Part 1
  57. Part Five
  58. 38
  59. 39
  60. 40
  61. Martina: Part 2
  62. 41
  63. 42
  64. 43
  65. Dead Ends
  66. 44
  67. Part Six
  68. 45
  69. 46
  70. 47
  71. The Photograph Album
  72. 48
  73. 49
  74. 50
  75. Empty
  76. Part Seven
  77. 51
  78. 52
  79. Retirement: Part 1
  80. 53
  81. 54
  82. 55
  83. 56
  84. Retirement: Part 2
  85. 57
  86. Part Eight
  87. 58
  88. 59
  89. 60
  90. 61
  91. 62
  92. Circle
  93. 63
  94. 64
  95. 65
  96. 66
  97. An Ending
  98. 67
  99. 68
  100. Part Nine
  101. 69
  102. Family
  103. 70
  104. Part Ten
  105. 71
  106. 72
  107. Author’s Note
  108. Acknowledgements
  109. THE BEGINNING

‘It’s fine. Like I said, though, I hate lying to her. I’m starting to think that she suspects something’s going on – that she knows this whole photography thing is just a smokescreen for something else – and it’s so hard not being able to tell her the truth.’

‘I know. I know it’s hard.’

It sounded like Patrick was drumming his fingers against the dashboard.

‘The thing is, Freda, Fran would understand if I told her what’s going on. She’s a mother too. She’d instantly get it – the need to find out what happened to Beatrix, the search for closure. I mean, you’ve seen what she’s been like since you told everyone the news about the cancer. She’s a nurse. She helps people.’

Everything went quiet for a moment.

This was what had been missed.

This was what no one but Patrick, Freda and her oncologist knew.

‘I know Fran would want to help.’ Freda’s voice had started to become muted. I reached over and turned up the volume. ‘But no one can do anything for me now.’

‘There must be something.’

‘It’s okay. I’ve made my peace with it.’

‘But I can’t … I just …’

‘It’s okay, Patrick. Really.’

‘But it’s not, is it? It’s not okay.’

‘No, it’s not. But sometimes that’s how life is.’

Healy glanced at me, fully understanding now.

There was another lull, this time for longer, and it was unmistakably a kind of mourning. Because, in reality, Freda hadn’t delayed her chemo due to the overwhelming nature of the treatment, or because she was frightened, and she definitely hadn’t delayed it for a holiday. She’d done it because she didn’t want to tell her husband, or her children, or her friends, the devastating truth – a truth that only her, her oncologist and Patrick Perry ever knew about.

The doctors hadn’t caught it early.

The treatment would never cure her.

Freda Davey’s cancer had been terminal.

47

This had all begun with a woman’s illness.

The recording continued, the numbers ticking over, Patrick and Freda silent. The lull in conversation spoke eloquently of a friendship – one soon to be over.

‘It’s okay,’ she said eventually. ‘It doesn’t matter about that. I’ve been over it and over it, and it’s not going to change. So now I just need to know about Beatrix.’