When they told me Nicole was gone, it was surreal. I couldn’t process it. I still can’t. I’ve spent the past few months thinking that somehow, at any moment, she’ll walk through the front door and life will go on the way we planned, the way we worked so hard for, and finally achieved. After the accident, Caitlyn and I lived in the old apartment and it always felt like Nicole was nearby, but now, in these new surroundings, I don’t feel her anymore. For the first time, it feels like she’s truly gone.

After I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting on this floor, sobbing, I press my face into the pillow and scream with every fiber in my body. I scream again, and again, and again, until my lungs finally give out. That’s it. I lean back against the wall and take deep breaths that catch in my chest. The sobs stop because I no longer have the strength.

The bedroom door creaks open.

Damnit.

Despite my efforts, I must have awoken Caitlyn with my crying. I quickly wipe my eyes, expecting to hear her call out to me or her footsteps approach the bathroom, but once the hinges of the bedroom door stop, there’s silence.

“Caitlyn?”

No answer.

I pull myself up off the floor and go out into the bedroom. The door is open, but the doorway’s empty. I grab my phone as I cross the room and check the time. 2:42 a.m. This long night just got longer.

I poke my head into the darkened hallway.

The only light is coming from the night-light in Caitlyn’s room which is spilling out from the crack under her door.

I quietly move down the hall towards her bedroom. She must have gotten scared when she heard me crying and went back to bed. I get closer and my suspicions are confirmed. I can hear whispering coming from behind her door.

I carefully press my ear against it.

“I can’t sleep … I can’t sleep …”

I tap against the door and gently open it. “Caitlyn, I’m sorry. I didn’t want—”

The night-light casts a soft glow around the room. Caitlyn’s asleep. She’s contorted herself into a ridiculous position with one leg off the bed and her butt up in the air.

“Caitlyn?”

Maybe she’s pretending to be asleep to avoid talking to me.

I get closer and see that she is out cold.

I quietly turn, step out of the room, and close the door behind me.

I’m way more tired than I realized because I’m hearing things. I need to get back to my room, crawl into bed, and try to sl—

Drip … drip …

I spin around.