“It just doesn’t always feel like it. When I stare at a pretty girl, for example, I sometimes feel so guilty. Predatory, almost, like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing.”

“I know what that’s like,” Noelle said, her eyes never leaving my face. “But that feeling and that voice in your head were planted there by our fucked-up society. Don’t listen to those losers.” She was silent for a moment before her lips curved into the hint of a smile. “If it helps, I for one really don’t mind if you stare at me.”

With a laugh that sounded dangerously close to breathless, I slapped her hand away. “Shut up.”

Noelle only chuckled and handed me a pack of Oreos. “Here, have a cookie. You deserve it.”

I shook my head at her but accepted it nevertheless. The following silence was disturbed by nothing but the quiet crinkling of plastic as we passed the Oreos back and forth and the ticking of the clock on the wall.

When the hands were creeping past 1 a.m., I slowly got to my feet.

“I think we should go to bed.”

Together, we neatly put all the contents back into the parcel.

When we were done, I helped Noelle get up and handed her the crutches. It was only when we were back in the entrance hall that she spoke again.

“I’m going to have to sleep in the infirmary,” she said, her voice echoing from the high wal s. “Are you okay on your own tonight?”

I nodded and lifted the parcel. “Do you want me to take this with me to our room?”

“That would be awesome. Just leave it on my desk, or something.”

“I still can’t believe your mom sends you so many sweets every month.”

“What can I say,” Noelle grinned. “I like things that are sweet.”

I smiled, shifting on my feet. “Thanks for, you know, the talk.”

“Thanks for keeping me from dying of boredom,” she said.

“Text me if you have another nightmare and I’ll do my best to drag myself up the stairs to our room.”

“I will,” I said. “Good night, Noelle.”

I was just about to turn around when she suddenly leaned forward and planted a short kiss on my cheek, the touch so light I would’ve thought I’d imagined it if it hadn’t been for her self-satisfied smile as she leaned back. “Sweet dreams.”

All I could do was watch as she crossed the hall and disappeared into the west wing, one hand still pressed to the spot her lips had touched.

This was what the opposite of ice water felt like then.

12

Evelyn

October chased off September and brought even gloomier days with it. As the woods surrounding the castle changed, trees ablaze with yellow, orange, and red, the life inside got busier. The drama club was working towards its premiere, meaning that both Seth and Jasper spent most of their free time in the auditorium rehearsing. The basketball team intensified its training for their upcoming game at a school called Westbridge, which, Noelle had explained to me, was the best team in their entire league and had defended its first place for years. She still wasn’t allowed to play but attended every practice, watching from the bench with hungry eyes. Meanwhile, I had my first shifts at the library, which were just as easy as Miss Pepperman had promised. Most evenings I could simply curl up with a book in one of the armchairs, only disturbed by the handful of students who came by to research something on one of the computers or needed help finding a book.