‘Ness, you OK?’ Concern was written all over his face, his brows knitted, his lips smashed together.

‘I’m OK.’ She turned to her dad. ‘Are you OK, Dad?’

He choked back his tears as he nodded. ‘I just want to be alone now. Stressful day.’

‘Sure thing, Dad, call if you need anything. I mean it.’ She kissed him goodbye, followed by a handshake and a touch on the shoulder from Billy, and a hug from the boys. She grabbed Ty’s hand and walked out the door, never wanting to see that house again.

10

It took some months for Vanessa to be able to think about her mom without breaking down entirely. She now understood that she should be thinking about her mother’s life and the things she did, rather than her death, which was painful and distressing. She chose to block that part out, focus on her life. She missed her. The boys, now twelve and two and a half, were suffering in their grief, just the same as she was, but Vanessa didn’t know how to handle their emotions, let alone process her own.

Since her mom had passed, Billy had spent every night over at her house, making sure she took care of herself and the kids. During the couple of weeks where her grief was at its strongest, he’d realized that she wasn’t taking care of herself and she was forgetting about her kids, which was out of character for her.

She cared deeply for him but he’d taken a hard stance with her. ‘Vanessa,’ he’d said sternly, arms crossed over his chest as he stood at the end of the bed. ‘I know you miss your mom, but the boys need you, especially Ty. He doesn’t understand what’s going on.’

‘Can’t you just tell him?’ she’d asked.

‘No. He doesn’t understand. You’re his mother, it’s time you began acting like it.’

‘My mom just died, Billy.’

‘Yes, and I know exactly how you feel, but you don’t have the luxury of feeling sorry for yourself and staying in bed all day, are you listening?’

Chastised, eyes welling with tears, she’d nodded.

‘Right, let’s get you up and into the shower – I know it’s been a while.’

The talking-to had helped her put everything in perspective, and at first, he was staying there to take care of the boys while she grieved, but his dinners turned into nights staying over. They never mentioned it, or talked about it, but gradually Billy was there all the time, something that Vanessa felt was just right. They had moved into a sort of dating, where the other knew that there were very real feelings there. They had shared that beautiful first kiss and many more since.