She left Billy and Mark in an uneasy stand-off and walked down to Wren’s room. She closed the door behind her with a quiet click. She didn’t want to see or hear any more people. Why were they all talking in hushed tones when all she wanted was them to scream as she wanted to? She didn’t want silence and hushed tones anymore. She needed something else. She wanted Wren and his noise. The best she could do was plug in his phone into the docking station and press play. She had no idea what the song was called, but it was one of Wren’s favorites. She turned it up. Loud. She knew from experience that those in the lounge room and kitchen would have felt the bass thumping through the walls. She just wanted a moment of normalcy among the madness. She lay down on Wren’s unmade bed, vowing never to make it again. His pillow still smelled like him and she touched it, feeling just a little closer to him. Everything in his room was waiting for him as if this was all a huge mistake and any moment now, he would come strolling back through the front door like nothing had happened. But she knew that would never happen.

Someone knocked on the door. ‘Go away!’ she yelled, not even bothering to turn the music down. The door opened. Billy.

‘Ness, people are starting to leave now – you have to come and thank them for coming. Could you please turn off the music and come out and say goodbye? Even if you don’t feel up to it, it’s the right thing to do.’

‘The right thing to do? You do know that I buried my son today? The right thing be damned. Tell them to go fuck themselves for all I care.’ She closed her eyes. waiting for him to leave, but she felt him standing there. ‘What?’ she snapped, opening her eyes.

‘Do the right thing and go and say goodbye to the mourners that came to pay their respects to our son.’ He didn’t yell exactly, but it was clear there was no way he was leaving this room until she came with him and did as she was told. Shooting him a filthy look, she turned off the music, her ears stinging in the sudden silence.

Billy forcefully had her by the wrist and basically dragged her to the spot he wanted her to stand. She shook limp hands and listened to their drivel.

‘He’s in a better place.’

No, he’s not.

‘He wouldn’t have felt a thing.’

How the fuck would you know?

‘God has called him home.’

Fuck you and your uncaring God!