She was scared. Scared of a future without Wren in it. Scared of how she could live without him. Scared of how she could have failed him like that. She hadn’t given him what he needed these past few weeks before he’d died. She had known something was wrong with him, and she had failed to get it out of him.

Billy opened the door. ‘It’s time to go now, honey. The car has arrived to take us to the church.’ He spoke slowly, as if she didn’t understand what he was saying and in that moment, she wanted to slap him. She had all this anger and nowhere for it to go. Wren’s death was an accident, a terrible tragedy. Who could she blame for that?

Standing in front of the coffin, sliding her hand along the warm polished wood, she imagined she was touching Wren’s face. Billy had promised her that Wren would get only the best. She hadn’t really been listening, she rarely did these days; one foot in a fading reality, one foot in a world of longing. She turned and saw Ty sitting in between Maggie and her dad. He looked as lost as she felt. Their eyes met briefly, and she gave him a sort of sad half-smile, then she had to look away. She couldn’t stand the look of pain in his face, the face that looked so much like Wren’s did when he was that age.

It was like everything had come into sharp focus, in high definition with the volume turned right up. She could hear people from the back row whispering, the minister turning pages, preparing for his sermon. She even imagined that she could hear the falling of Ty’s tears. She couldn’t move; she was rooted to the spot, touching Wren’s coffin until Billy came and grabbed her hand, one arm around her waist, and sat her down next to him.

She could hear people crying and sniffing throughout the service. Billy put his hand on her stockinged knee. She looked at it like it was a giant bug that had crawled up her leg and settled there. She brushed his hand away. She didn’t want to be touched. It hurt too much to have someone else do something that her son would never do again – comfort her. She knew in her pain-numbed mind that she should touch Ty, say something soothing to him, but she just couldn’t. Her world kept jumping from crystal-clear focus, to blurry again. A funfair mirror, distorting the truth. She was no good to him like this; better that Billy and Maggie took care of him.