Wren slept but didn’t sleep; he was in an emotionless void. He dreamed of Olivia; lucid dreams, he guessed you’d call them. In one she was hanging herself using rope she’d found in the garage from a camping trip, in another she slit her wrists. Then there was the one that was the truth. The one where she swallowed a bottle of tablets and drowned.

He woke just before dawn; he opened his curtains and watched as the sky blossomed on the first day without Olivia. Justin flitted through his mind. Would he know by now? How would he feel about this? He had caused this – well, all three of them had. He was just as culpable as the other two, so Justin had reminded him many times. He was right, though. He’d let her be raped. He should have fought harder for her. She might still be alive. He felt like a real shit when it crossed his mind that now she definitely wouldn’t tell. Couldn’t.

Dressing quickly, he left the house, grabbing his bike from out front where he’d dropped it last night. It was cool, the sun yet to warm the air. He rode to his special spot at the river, the one he’d shared with Olivia. He could swear he could hear her laugh. He sat down cross-legged on the ground and watched the river, the water lapping at the bank. It was normally peaceful here, but it couldn’t calm his turbulent mind. Eventually he decided he’d better go home. His knees popped painfully as he stood. He found riding a bit difficult until his legs warmed up a bit.

When he rode down his street, he could see his mom out the front of the house in her pajamas, her dressing gown tied against the cool morning air. He wondered how long she’d been waiting there. Probably since she’d discovered that he’d left the house without leaving a note, something he rarely did. He never liked to worry his mom, she always looked out for him and he wouldn’t hurt her for the world. He felt a pang of guilt, loaded on top of the mountain he was already feeling.

‘Where have you been, honey? We were worried.’ He knew that she was concerned that he’d done something stupid. He’d heard of suicide clusters; sometimes it only took one to become more. He could see the question in her eyes.

‘Don’t worry, Mom, I wasn’t doing anything stupid and I won’t.’ It was as close to a promise as he could get. She looked a little more relaxed, but the pinched expression was still on her face. She opened the door, waiting for him to follow her inside.

‘He’s back!’ she called out. Billy must have been worried too. Now he felt even worse, if that was possible.