We sit in silence. I hear the call of one bird, the answer of another. Then I say, “Let me ask you something, DeWitt. Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been so much in love with someone that you didn’t want to be in the world without them?”

“Sheeeit.” He looks out the window.

“Have you?”

“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

“Yes, but … to death?”

“Yeah. As a matter of fact, yeah. I was married once. She died in childbirth. Nineteen years old. Couldn’t get the fucking ambulance here fast enough, don’t nobody want to come here. Bled to death. She be lying on the sofa with her coat on, just waiting. She got her kerchief on her head. I’m kneeling right by her, telling her everything gon’ be all right. Baby died, too. They took her out of here with a sheet over her face and I seen that kerchief coming out the top.”

“Oh, DeWitt. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Nobody knows. That was a long time ago. And don’t be telling nobody, neither.”

“I won’t. But DeWitt, if you loved her like I—”

He stands suddenly, and his chair falls to the floor behind him. He’s breathing fast and you can see his pulse throbbing at his temples. “Don’t you say another word make it sound like what I felt for that girl any less than what you feel for Chip! Or what anybody feel for anybody!”

“I’m not saying that, DeWitt. I’m not.” I start crying, and use one of the paper napkins he laid out for our lunch to wipe my face. “I just … God, I just feel like I’ve lived a long time, you know? And I’ve been so alone. I found something with Chip that I don’t think I can be without anymore, and I know I’m not going to find it again.”

DeWitt picks up his chair, sits down again. “You don’t know that.”

“I will never find it again. And I don’t know how to tell you so that you understand, I don’t think I could explain it to anyone. But I will not stay here without him. I will not. This is a decision that’s only about me. I thought that you of all people would understand the right to make choices, even if they’re outside the law. But if you won’t give me the drugs, I’ll use my father’s gun, which is in my basement. I’ll just use that.”

“How? You tell me that. You tell me exactly how.”