‘Don’t bank on that, Uncle Marcus! Yet again, we failed to shift that two-handed urn with the centaurs battling, but that’s been around for over a year; the artwork’s crap and people are bored with the subject. I’m going to organise fake bidders next time. See if we can force some interest.’

‘Geminus didn’t really want to sell that pot,’ I said. ‘It hung on so long, he grew fond of it.’

Young Gaius shook his head like a Greek sage. ‘There’s no scope for sentiment in this business!’ Then, to my surprise, he asked shyly whether Helena and I were getting over the baby, and complimented me on my handling of Pa’s funeral and memorial dinner.

Business over, I called in a passing peddler, bought Gaius a flatbread stuffed with chickpeas, and left him to it.

I sauntered back towards the centre of town, passing the Theatre of Balbus and the Porticus of Octavia as if I had no clear idea where I was going. I had made up my mind, however. I turned away from the river, then climbed up to the Palatine via the Clivus Victoriae. I gained entrance by telling the guards I needed to see Claudius Laeta. But I was going to see Momus.

23

‘Falco! You cack-handed, two-timing, pompous backstairs bastard—seems a century since I laid eyes on your ugly bum-crack!’ Momus represented the refined element of the Palatine.

He was sprawling on a bench like a big blob of sea anemone, one that had let itself go. Even his headlice were low-grade. He had a paper of nuts lying next to him, but was too lethargic to dip in and munch. ‘Torpor’ would have been his cognomen, had he been refined enough to want his entitlement to three names.

Thinking about imperial freedmen, as I was for the case, I asked him what family name he used. Momus gave me a wide shrug, astonished anybody asked that question. He was so informal he had never bothered to work out his nomen.

‘Who was on the throne when you got your cap of liberty?’

‘Some useless pervert.’

‘Sounds like Nero.’

‘Probably the Divine Claudius.’ Momus made ‘Divine’ sound like an obscenity, which in the case of that old duffer Claudius it traditionally was.

I leaned on a wall, as far away from his body odour as I could get without retreating into the corridor. There was nowhere to sit. Most people who came to see Momus were slaves he was brutalising. He didn’t offer them a stool for beatings and buggery. He might be as low as a palace officer could get, but he was one level up from them so he took the traditional seat of power while they cringed in whatever desperate position he chose for them and waited for their punishment.