Petronius winced. ‘Ghastly moans. Complaining about local crime. This public disgrace has been allowed to fester far too long; the authorities in our region simply will not address the issue . . . The Emperor should take the initiative and refuse to tolerate nuisances caused by criminals who boast they have special protection . . . Nobody will ever listen, of course. Still, I shoved it onwards to the top—gave the poor bastard his last chance of an audience. Least I could do, I thought.’

‘You know who he is?’

‘I said it’s a draft, you noodle! Nobody signs their name on a private rough.’

‘Silly me! So it was no help?’

‘I’d have kept it, if it had been useful. Obviously I had to mention to the scroll-beetles that the writer was discovered ripped open from crotch to gullet, with his hands removed.’

The details were new. I pulled a face. ‘Pluto! That would have made your report attract notice.’

‘Seems so. What came over me? Now some schnoozle wants a brief.’

‘Minding his back,’ I said. ‘You’ll handle it. You know your stuff. And you’ve been there before.’ Petronius had attended at the Palace with me. We once had a policy discussion with the Emperor and a full phalanx of flunkies. Vespasian took our measure. Even so, we ticed a money-making commission out of him that time. ‘Who sent the summons?’

‘Some grunt called Laeta.’

I pulled up short. ‘Claudius Laeta? I’ll come with you.’

‘Keep out of it. I don’t need a nursemaid, Falco.’

‘Laeta is trouble. Appearing amenable is his speciality. Then he’ll extract your balls and twist them up in an old knitted sock, swing it round his head and knock you down with your own magic machinery.’

‘For a spare-time poet, your imagery stinks,’ opined my old friend dourly. But he must have been nervous about the meeting, because he let me tag along.

Unlike him, I did not go togate. Laeta was head of the main secretariat. The man had sent me on so many dubious missions, he would receive no respect from me. The only good thing about Laeta was his constantly trying to double-cross Anacrites, the Chief Spy. I watched from the sidelines and tried to play them off against each other.