“No, you don’t see it,” Abel answered. “When Stiller dragged her out, she was wearing my necklace, Decker. You mean to say she went back into the hut, put on my necklace, and came back outside to watch me blow up?” There were tears in his eyes. His voice cracked. “Didn’t you see the look of horror on her face!”

“That was fear, man!”

“You had a gun to her head!” Abel screamed. “How else should she feel!”

“What?” Decker said. “You want me to apologize for wasting her? Fuck you! I’d do the same thing all over, because if I didn’t, she’d just go on and find another dumb sucker to off. And man, we were losing enough of us as it was. I saw it more than you, ’cause I was the jerk they’d call in to repair the damage.”

There was a moment of stillness, the screams reverberating in the silence. Abel started to speak, but stopped himself. He limped over to the couch and sank into a lumpy cushion, running his hands over his face.

Finally, he said, “You never gave her—or me—a chance to explain.” He wiped his wet eyes with the back of his hands. “I begged you not to, Pete. Through the morphine, the shock, through it all, I saw what was gonna go down, and I fucking begged you not to do it.”

Decker didn’t answer.

“Know what it’s like…to see someone you love…explode?” Abel said.

Softly, Decker said, “All I saw was you exploding.” He shook his head and tried to ward off demons. Felt a headache coming on. One that aspirin couldn’t handle. “I lied a moment ago. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have done it.”

He exhaled forcibly, then sat beside Abel.

“But back then I…I don’t know…I didn’t have the presence of mind…the experience…I was just a stupid kid, Abe.”

Abel threw up his hands. “We were all stupid…God were we stupid…I just wish…” He let his voice trail off.

Decker said, “You put a gun to Rina’s head because…because you wanted to know what it felt like. You could have asked me directly, Atwater.” His voice cracked. “Want me to tell you what it felt like? It felt like your worst friggin’ nightmare. Think I don’t remember her brains splattering my clothes, her blood spraying in my eyes—”

“Oh God!” Abel held back a dry heave.

“Everything…” Decker shook his head. “It just happened so goddam quickly. My first concern was you. It…I…” He tried to find his words. “I screamed to you about the booby trap—”

“I heard you,” Abel said. “At least, I heard you screaming.”