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Back Memories in the Drift Save as PDF
Chapters (39)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. COPYRIGHT PAGE
  3. DEDICATION
  4. CONTENTS
  5. CHAPTER ONE
  6. CHAPTER TWO
  7. CHAPTER THREE
  8. CHAPTER FOUR
  9. CHAPTER FIVE
  10. CHAPTER SIX
  11. CHAPTER SEVEN
  12. CHAPTER EIGHT
  13. CHAPTER NINE
  14. CHAPTER TEN
  15. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  16. CHAPTER TWELVE
  17. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  18. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  20. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  22. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  23. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  38. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  39. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I want to hold her, rock her, something to ease her pain, but I can’t stop writing, because this little girl needs someone better than me to help her.

“Maree,” I say. “I’m going to call Ruth, and we are going to get some help, okay?”

Her nostrils flare and she stares at the notebook in my hands; then she grabs it from me, and I’m so surprised that I don’t react quickly enough when she runs to the door.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Claire. I’m so sorry. But I don’t want to remember this either. I want to forget like you.”

Then she is gone, and I am standing in my apartment staring at a HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner above my sink and an uneaten cake on the counter and wrapping paper on the floor. My phone is in my hand with a reminder on the screen. Birthday party for Maree at 3 p.m. I sit down, breathe in, breathe out, heart racing, and try to let the facts accumulate.

The present is open, which means that Maree was here. The cake has not been eaten, but maybe she didn’t feel like cake. My hands clench into fists, run up and down my thighs, anxious. I feel very anxious. Why? I sit down at my desk, check the calendar.

Today is Saturday, February 23, and this morning I went to the gardens and then this afternoon I had a birthday party for Maree. I check the time. 3:30. I guess it was a short party. I sit back in the chair, my hands shaking from an uneasiness that I can’t explain, and look out the window to a clear blue sky. Maybe a walk will help me work out this excess energy. I grab my coat and gloves and head outside.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

It’s colder than it looks outside. As soon as the icy air hits my skin, I pull up my gaiter and breathe in and out, waiting as my body adjusts to the drop in temperature. A feeling clings to my skin, spreads through my body in pins and pricks. I am scared or sad or nervous or all three, and I don’t understand why. I walk at a slow, lumbering pace, my legs heavy, shoulders curved like I’m carrying a backpack full of rocks.

I take my regular path, down Glacier Avenue through the pedestrian tunnel toward the harbor and back again. The streets are empty, businesses shuttered for the winter. I stop at the boardwalk. It’s quiet, the harbor deserted at this time of year, only the boats bobbing up and down in the waves. I inhale fish and salt, exhale a sob.