Three days later, Rebecca called me, laughing, to say that her walls were indeed infested with mice. Traps had been set; and already Dexter’s behavior was a little less intense. Her natural varmint hunter who had secretly rid her family’s barns of mice for two years on the old farm had found himself in a sudden predicament when he was unable to get at the mice. Inside his new home, his genes had collided with his environment and quickly turned into an addiction that wreaked havoc on their daily lives. Thank goodness, I thought, that she had the benefit of the big picture. She didn’t come to drastic conclusions about Dexter’s behavior, mistreat his symptoms, or give up on her wonderful friend after an exasperating period of frustration and sleep deprivation. We got to the bottom of Dexter’s behavior quickly and were able to put our efforts toward addressing the source of the problem right away. The rodents in the walls had been exciting his terrier instincts into madness.

It’s not always so simple, to be sure. Relationships are complicated, and the ones we share with our dogs are no exception. Sometimes the solutions are not as handy as a phone call to pest control. But they may be. The only way you will know, and be able to get through the rough patches with your friend when they arise, is to get a clear picture of what you’re dealing with.

Sometimes, the most valuable therapy is the one that helps us to see the big pink elephant in the room. Looking at our big pink elephant of a dog, and understanding and accepting him for who and what he is, can be a powerful and transformative exercise. Getting clear about the critical factors that affect our dogs is the first step to finding and maintaining healthy relationships with them as their conscientious stewards and friends. This is a necessary and powerful undertaking. We need to unravel our assumptions and expectations about these canine partners of ours. We start by examining, and challenging, a broken cultural concept—the pet dog.

The Fairy-Tale Pet

We get a dog. We take him home and give him a name. We buy him food, a bed, some toys, a leash, a collar with his name on it. We take him to the vet to get his shots. We take him out on walks, brush his coat, and kiss him good-night. He is our “pet.”