“Great,” Rogers muttered. “My life’s treasure at long last.”

Oh One beeped, though to Rogers’ eyes, it hadn’t done anything. Looking back down at the datapad, he found that it had locked again.

“Damn it.” He swiped his keycard again, and the screen came back on. Nothing had changed. He pressed the orange button one more time.

“Command?” the control pad prompted.

“Ah, here we go,” Rogers said. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“Invalid command,” the control pad answered.

“I haven’t commanded anything yet.”

“Invalid command.”

“Hold your horses; I’m thinking!”

“I have received your command,” Oh One said, loud enough to make Rogers jump, “but I cannot execute it due to a lack of equine life forms in the immediate area.”

Rogers goggled at Oh One, wondering what kind of witless moron had programmed these things. When he turned back to the command pad, the screen was blank. It had locked itself in the short interim.

“What is wrong with this thing?” Rogers said as he aggressively swiped his keycard through the reader, unlocking the pad once again. He tapped the orange button.

“Command?”

“Disable the auto-lock feature on the command pad.”

“Security protocol prevents users from tampering with access features on this command pad. Command?”

“Ugh,” Rogers said. What was he supposed to do with these droids, anyway? He didn’t know how to fight, himself, so it seemed kind of ridiculous to try and teach them how to do it. Maybe some of that standard, Steuben-esque drill maneuver crap would suffice for now. It was about the only military training that Rogers remembered other than engineering work.

“Stand at attention,” he barked.

“Command received.”

None of the droids moved, but Tunger’s boots clicked together so hard that Rogers thought he might sprain his ankle.

“Not you,” Rogers said.

“Oh,” Tunger said, his face turning sour. “I don’t get to do anything, either?”

“You’re supposed to keep things orderly,” Rogers said. “So, do that.”

Surprisingly, this seemed to please Tunger. “Yes, sir!” he said, and, for some reason, left the room.

Turning back to the droids, he noticed that none of them seemed to have changed position. But now that he thought of it, it was the same position they’d been in the entire time. Was this standing at attention?

“Oh One,” Rogers said. “Why did none of you do anything, even though this thingy here said that the command was received?”

“We are unable to find location: ATTENTION at which to stand.”

“What? It’s a military drill term!” Well, maybe they just couldn’t stand at attention because it just didn’t work with their metallic bodies. Maybe he could get them to move around a little.

He ripped his keycard so hard through the reader that it didn’t have time to recognize his credentials, forcing him to do it again. Unlock. Screen up. Orange button. Command?

“Right face !” Rogers barked, astonished at his own drill sergeant-ness.

That did something! The entire group of droids, in one frighteningly smooth and coordinated motion, pivoted and snapped their bodies ninety degrees to the right, bringing their legs down with much less noise than a group of shinies should have made with all their stomping around.