“I’m not a killer.” I squeeze my eyes tight. If I can’t see the world around me, maybe I won’t have to know what I know. Feel what I feel. “I’m not. And you’re not, either. I don’t care how much you grew up. How wise you’ve become. You can’t have changed this much. I know me. And we don’t have that inside us. We just don’t.”

The wind whispers against my ears, saying words too low for me to comprehend. Humming a verse too lonely for me to ignore.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” I continue. “Go ahead. If I become a monster, I want to know it. Right here. Right now. I want to know if everything I’ve ever believed is false.”

“You’re asking an impossible question. One I don’t know how to answer.” There’s a weariness in her voice that makes me certain that something…happens in the future. Something so painful that it will shred my soul. Something so excruciating that it will turn me into this. Into her.

“When you grow up, you’ll see that the line between good and evil isn’t so clear.” Sorrow strangles each syllable. Despair drips from every word. “We all have goodness inside us, but we’re also capable of doing monstrous things. Especially when we’re pushed against a wall. Especially when all that’s left of our hearts is a deep, gaping hole.” She lowers her voice. “The lacerations in your heart have already begun, Alice. At seventeen, you’ve already experienced loss. And that’s what will give you the strength to act. To do what you previously thought undoable.”

My eyes drift open. Of course. This is why she had me climb the tree. This is what she wanted me to remember. My mother. She’s talking about our mother.

When Mom left, she sliced out a piece of me the size of the Grand Canyon. Most days, I tiptoe around the emptiness, pretending it doesn’t exist. But when I least suspect it, I edge a little too close. My footing slips a single inch. And the void sucks me in and swallows me up with the force of a black hole.

“Think of the teenagers around the world, some just like you. Others, not so much. If you don’t change the future, untold numbers of them will lose a parent, a brother, an aunt, a friend. Maybe all at once. They will suffer what you suffered. Hurt like you hurt. And you can prevent it all with a single action. Will you do it?”

She knows me so well. Better than Lalana, better even than my brother. She knows exactly what to do in order to sway me. Show me firsthand the torture that the people will have to endure. Then, relate it to my own pain.