Everything feels like it has been building to this point, this peak, this pinnacle. I can’t believe Anwar’s betrayal only happened yesterday—it already feels like a lifetime ago. In many ways, it was. When he betrayed me in that impossible way, all I could see was the confirmation of my deepest, darkest fears. But today something shifted. Earlier, lying in the back of Charvan while I was supposed to be asleep, I felt the urge to check Anwar’s profile. After the way he so thoroughly deceived me, I didn’t believe he could have been honest about the story he gave in his letter, about the reasons why he stole the deck.

I half expected to be blocked from Anwar’s page, but when I opened it, I was surprised in a very different way. His two most recent pictures were of subjects he never posted before. The first was a photo of him reading on top of a mobile home, calling it his place. The second was a photo of him sitting beside his mom in a hospital bed. I expected to feel fire and fury seeing Anwar’s face again, but instead I just felt heavy. It turns out Anwar really wasn’t lying about some things, after all. And since betraying me, he obviously felt inspired to show the reality of himself for the very first time.

Even now, I can’t help but feel these posts were meant for me. That they were Anwar’s way of telling me all the truths he couldn’t bring himself to speak out loud. Doing so on social media might not be the best expression, but it’s maybe better than nothing.

So right here, on this mountainside, I send my own silent message back to Anwar.

I believe he meant well, even if he didn’t do well. I forgive Anwar.

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He could have handled this situation a dozen different ways. Anwar’s actions revealed who he really is.

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Today I find a way to be the nurturing Empress. If not for Anwar, then certainly for myself, because holding on to a grudge would be like swallowing a sword. However, I must still remember to carry this lesson like a blade across my back.

Whatever damage Anwar caused, I’ll prove capable of mending it on my own, alongside the people I love most. I don’t need Anwar to feel whole—I never did. So I certainly don’t need an apology from him to move on. Maybe next time I’ll trust a little less easily, but I will not allow Anwar to rob me of my ability to trust in the first place.

After all, now that I’ve had a taste, I know there will be others interested in me like Anwar. Better ones. And I owe it to these future loves to be the complete Amelia package.

Especially because one of those people walk beside me right now. And no matter what the cards hold for us, they deserve all of my best energy.

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