When I don’t respond immediately, Amelia leans toward me. I’ve been listening to this exchange, but I’ve also been thumbing through the booklet Maggie gave us, which has simple quotes corresponding to each card. Naturally, I gravitated first to The Emperor, my own Major Arcana expression. According to this Perilli person, The Emperor represents one key question: When you lead, do you contribute more than you require?

It’s a compelling interpretation, if not a little simplified. Still, it applies. Being the tiebreaker isn’t my favorite, but that’s where I so often find myself. I’m further reminded as Amelia drops the actual Emperor card into my lap. His impassive eyes stare up at me, representing a leader who can inspire courage and determination—or just as easily abuse his power to feed his ego.

Feeling fueled by The Emperor, I already know I’m going to vote for us to look for the first missing card. Still, looking between Logan and Amelia, I know it won’t be enough to simply agree. They want to know who I agree with most.

“The only way we really learn is when we see things for ourselves,” I finally say. “I think we owe it to ourselves to embrace this detour, like Amelia said.”

Click here

“Whatever reason this deck came into our hands, I think it’s our responsibility to try finding the missing cards,” I finally say. “Maybe it’s something we’re meant to do, like Logan said.”

Click here

I can hear Amelia’s voice in my head, saying that blind chance might have brought us here today, but that human minds are designed to bring order to chaos—the same way tarot cards were designed to do.

“If we have the chance to answer some lifelong questions, we have to choose that path,” I finish.

Amelia smiles, hearing my answer. She may have gotten her way, but it’s probably more important to her that I agreed with her over Logan. Though it’s not like I disagree with either of them outright—it’s more that I’m not fully sure what I believe yet. I love facts and proof, but neither really applies to life’s unanswerables. And if I’m being really honest, I’m not as convinced that one truth can apply to every situation as Logan and Amelia.

Unfortunately, I’m the only person I know who seems to think that way. This probably makes me seem weak, but is it so wrong that I don’t feel compelled to choose a side? I still don’t know exactly who or what I want to be when I grow up… but the older we get, the more being undecided just feels like being left behind.

Looking to Logan, I find him faking a smile. As much as I want to, I can’t please him and Amelia all the time.