‘It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Billie, but my piano awaits. Come and see me again. The tea will be my treat next time, but don’t expect any fruit cake.’

_______________________

By the time Billie caught the train home it was late afternoon, but she managed to find a carriage that was not too crowded. She wanted some peace and quiet. Time to sit and stare out of the window and think about her future – about whether she could face it without first addressing the questions about her past. Could she brush them under the carpet, or would they keep tripping her up? Did she want answers or need them? The first implied a choice, but the second did not and that was what worried Billie. What if she needed the answers but there were none to be had?

Just as the train was about to depart, a young woman talking loudly into her mobile phone jumped on and threw herself and her bag down opposite Billie.

‘Yeah. I’ve just got on the train. Yeah, St Pancras. Yeah, babes, I’ll be back in about half an hour. Can you pick me up from the station? Thanks babes. Can you bring me a can of Coke? I’m gagging for a drink. Thanks babes. What you doing now?’

Billie was tempted to suggest that ‘babes’ was probably about to grab a can of Coke and set off for the station to pick up Miss Mouth Almighty, but she resisted. The young woman tucked the phone between the side of her face and her shoulder and continued talking while rummaging through her bag. She eventually retrieved a bottle of nail polish. The carriage quickly filled with the pungent stench of ethyl acetate as she unscrewed the lid and began painting her nails a vibrant shade of purple, having first propped up her feet on the seat next to Billie. Billie looked around at the other passengers in the carriage to see if any of them were as irritated as she was. Several were pulling disapproving faces as the smell permeated the air, and a man across the aisle was quietly tutting at the sight of a pair of feet in scruffy trainers resting on a seat where some unsuspecting commuter would later sit. But nobody said anything. The young woman was either oblivious or simply unconcerned and continued her prattling and primping. Normally Billie would have kept quiet too. But Billie was recalibrating ‘normal’. She took out her mobile and pretended to make a call in a very clear and slightly louder than necessary voice.