I got into bed and clapped my hands, dousing the lights. Then I snuggled deep beneath my crisp new sheets.

Just before I fell asleep again, I thought I heard something besides the owl. It sounded like someone singing the words Oh, Susannah, now don’t you cry for me, ’cause I come from Alabama with this banjo on my knee.

But that, I’m sure, was just my imagination.

Five

The Junipero Serra Catholic Academy, grades K-12, had been made co-educational in the eighties, and had, much to my relief, recently dropped its strict uniform policy. The uniforms had been royal blue and white, not my best colours. Fortunately, the uniforms had been so unpopular that they, like the boys-only rule, had been abandoned, and though the pupils still couldn’t wear jeans, they could wear just about anything else they wanted. Since all I wanted was to wear my extensive collection of designer clothing – purchased at various outlet stores in New Jersey with Gina as my fashion coordinator – this suited me fine.

The Catholic thing, though, was going to be a problem. Not really a problem so much as an inconvenience. You see, my mother never really bothered to raise me in any particular religion. My father was a non-practising Jew, my mother Christian. Religion had never played an important part in either of my parents’ lives, and, needless to say, it had only served to confuse me. I mean, you would think I’d have a better grasp on religion than anybody, but the truth is, I haven’t the slightest idea what happens to the ghosts I send off to wherever it is they’re supposed to go after they die. All I know is, once I send them there, they do not come back. Not ever. The end.

So when my mother and I showed up at the Mission School’s administrative office the Monday after my arrival in sunny California, I was more than a little taken aback to be confronted with a six-foot Jesus hanging on a crucifix behind the secretary’s desk.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, though. My mom had pointed out the school from my room on Sunday morning as she helped me to unpack. ‘See that big red dome?’ she’d said. ‘That’s the Mission. The dome covers the chapel.’

Doc happened to be hanging around – I’d noticed he did that a lot – and he launched into another one of his descriptions, this time of the Franciscans, who were members of a Roman Catholic religious order that followed the rule of St Francis, approved in 1209. Father Junipero Serra, a Franciscan monk, was, according to Doc, a tragically misunderstood historical figure. A controversial hero in the Catholic Church, he had been considered for sainthood at one time, but, Doc explained, Native Americans questioned this move as ‘a general endorsement of the exploitative colonization tactics of the Spanish. Though Junipero Serra was known to have argued on behalf of the property rights and economic entitlement of converted Native Americans, he consistently advocated against their right to self-governance, and was a staunch supporter of corporal punishment, appealing to the Spanish government for the right to flog Indians.’