Me: What?

Polly: You’ve met someone.

Me: No.

Polly: Don’t lie to me.

Me: I’m not.

Polly: Liar. Who? When? Where? Now.

Me: Fuck off, I’m not in the mood.

Polly: Who?

Me (shaking my head):…

Polly (reaching for my hand): Phoebe?

Me:…

Polly: I’m sorry I said it would be hilarious. You know I’d never make fun of you like that.

Me: Maybe you should.

Polly: Tell me?

Me: We sort of kissed, but not really. On Saturday.

Polly: Tell! Me! Now!

Me: Emma.

Polly: FUCK! OFF!

Me:…

Polly: How am I that thick?

Me:…

Polly: It was totally obvious, and I didn’t realize. I’m so stupid, of course. You’ve been hanging out with her, like, every free second this year.

Me: Only because you were busy with Tristan and forgot about me.

Polly: You didn’t call me, either, P. I thought you’d gone off me. Oh my God, did you fancy me by any chance? Were you jealous?

Me (laughing, because, really, what’s wrong with people?):…

Polly (punching me in the shoulder): Rude! Anyway, tell me. You kissed her. Oh my God, Phoebs, you big lesbian.

Me: Fuck off. And she kissed me.

Polly: And then what?

Me: Then nothing. It was outside her house. She went inside, and I ran home.

Polly: And then?

Me: Nothing.

Polly: But today is Wednesday.

Me: And?

Polly: Are you going to kiss her back?

Me: No.

Polly:…

Me: I can’t do all that, Polly. I’m not like you.

Polly: You can’t do what? The kissing? Have sex? You don’t have to do it all straightaway, don’t be stupid.

Me: No, yes. The whole … love thing. I can’t do it. It’s too … I don’t know …

Polly:…

Me: Big.

Polly (clutching her chest): You’re such a romantic, Phoebe, I literally want to cry.

Me: You and me both.

Polly (still clutching her chest, looking at me with pity):…

Me: I don’t recognize myself anymore, and I hate it.

Polly: You fancy her, though.

Me: I don’t want to.

Polly: But you do.

Me: Of course I do.

Polly: And you think about her a lot.

Me: I mainly think about how to un-think of her, but yes.

Polly: You do realize that you can’t help who you fall in love with?

Me: Apparently not. But at least I’m trying.

Polly: You know, Phoebe, for someone so clever, you are remarkably stupid.

10:10 P.M.

I texted Emma to ask if she’s coming to my birthday party, because she still hasn’t confirmed on the Instagram group conversation.

10:30 P.M.

Emma just texted:

Not sure yet if I can make it.

So that’s that, then.

Thursday, July 12 #MowglisNewAdventures

I wanted to see Emma so much, but I ended up not going to the thrift shop this afternoon for that exact reason.