Me: What?

Kate: Remember the birds and the bees?

Me (rolling my eyes so much I nearly severed my optic nerve): Oh my God.

Kate: It obviously doesn’t quite apply.

Me: Obviously. Quite.

Kate: I just want to say to you that I’m here for you should you need anything. Help, emotional support, advice, even though I trust you know where things are—

Me: Oh my God, Kate. I’ve literally been with Emma for twenty-four hours. I’m not going to have sex with her straightaway.

Kate: All of that is between you and Emma, pet. I only wanted to let you know that I’m here if you need me.

Cringe!

I’m 100 percent not going to talk to her about my sex life when I have one.

On that note, Emma’s coming over in a minute, but we’re not going to have sex.

All the kittens are being collected, and we’re seeing them off. (Not Richard. He’s staying at Kate’s for the time being, because I still want to give him to Emma, but I think I may have to get into her mum’s good graces first. #pressure #inlaws)

So I think it’s time for me to present to Kate the final financial breakdown of all moneys owed and services rendered:

FYI, I’m not including the financial loss of Richard here, because Kate agreed to keep him (for now).

I thought I’d end up owing £2,000, because the nondesigner kittens were expected to bring in zero pounds.

However, we are selling three of them for £250 each. That’s £750.

£2,000 − £750 = £1,250

I’m also going to take off the £530 for the Star Wars poster (only fair), so that’s £720. Also, minus £15 for the bowling shoes is £705.

My labor over the past four months has definitely been worth £705, so I think this means Kate and I are even.

PS: I can’t believe I’m sixteen.

Turning sixteen was always for other people.

But I suppose so was love.

Acknowledgments

The creation of this novel coincided with a time of great change and uncertainty in my life, and I must thank first and foremost the three women this book is dedicated to for pulling/dragging me through it: my best friends Brittain, Luci, and Sophie. Thank you for your unwavering love and support, for putting me up, for making me dinner, for making me cake, and most importantly for always making me laugh. I love you endlessly.

Thank you, Tony: you drove the getaway vehicle back then. Thank you, Ruth: you gave me a home. Thank you, Dawn, who offered me a job and casually threw in a handful of amazing new friends for free.

A huge and heartfelt thank-you goes to Melvin Burgess for your encouragement, your wisdom, your humor, and for giving me a leg up.