Now dressed and sitting on his couch, they felt like a couple, and also like a couple about to break up. It was so odd.

“Xavier, what’s going on with you? Did I do something?”

He blinked. “What?”

“You seem, I don’t know, like you’re not really here with me.”

He sighed. “Being back at work is taking some getting used to. I need to remember to distance myself from it or I can get kind of depressed.”

“I’m so sorry.”

They held hands, and he squeezed hers before pulling away. But the separation felt more than physical.

“I am too. I think…” He stood and started pacing. In all the time they’d been together, she’d never seen him so frazzled.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” He sounded genuinely confused. “I love being with you. Spending time with you. You make me laugh and feel good. But lately, I don’t feel… I can’t describe it.”

Her stomach dropped. She’d just lost her job—her choice, but still. Was she about to lose him too? What had she done to jinx her life?

“This isn’t you, it’s me.” He gave a sharp laugh. “I know that sounds so trite. But it’s true. Ever since the barbecue at Mom’s, I’ve been processing what Auggie said.”

Justine studied him. “Auggie?” So his distance had nothing to do with her? Why then didn’t she feel any better?

“I feel like maybe I haven’t liked any of my mom’s boyfriends because I’m selfish. Like, maybe I need her attention or her love all to myself. But then, I don’t think that’s quite it.” He kept pacing, and she watched, amused, confused, and angry, because why couldn’t at least one point in her life work in her favor?

He continued, almost talking to himself, “I mean, I love her. I love Auggie. So why do I have a problem with the people I love finding love themselves?” He looked at her. “I think Auggie and Benji might seriously have a relationship going. And it bothers me.”

“The way I bother you?”

“You don’t bother me,” he replied so quickly, with so much honesty, that she believed him.

And she settled, feeling a spark of compassion for this man who tried helping others all the time, and maybe at the cost of himself.

“I don’t bother you, but maybe how you feel about me bothers you.”

“I, no. Well, maybe.”

Yet how did he feel? He’d never actually said he loved her, had he?

Quitting work and putting herself first had freed Justine. Perhaps tomorrow she’d feel differently, but today she knew just what to say, how to feel. And she didn’t regret loving Xavier. Not one bit.

She gave him a sincere smile. “I know I love you. I feel it deep inside.” She patted her chest. “You’ve let me be in charge of our relationship from the beginning. Treated me like an equal and like a person who knows her own worth. And I thank you for that.”