I stared at him and he stared at me.

I spoke without thinking. “Maybe.”

“Maybe,” he agreed in a whisper.

now

thursday, october 26

True to her promise, Sabrina brings Viv to the city to meet me for lunch. The first time that works for both of us is nearly two weeks after the picnic. During that time, I’ve essentially buried myself in work. It’s strange to say it, but I’ve seen Sean awake only three times.

That might be because I’m sleeping on the couch.

I don’t know why I can’t take that last step and pack up my suitcases and move back to Berkeley. It might be the drag of the commute, or the ghosts of my past that I know still live there—Mom and Dad are in every single particle of air in that house.

I’ve only been back for a total of seven days since I left for college. It would be like stepping into a time capsule.

Sabrina’s face when I walk into the Wooly Pig tells me all I need to know about how successful I was at covering the dark circles under my eyes this morning.

“Jesus Christ,” she mumbles as I sit down across from her. “You look like you’ve been raised from the pet cemetery.”

I laugh, grabbing the water in front of me. “Thanks.”

“If I’d known to expect this I would have had an espresso waiting for you.”

“No coffee,” I say, holding up my hand. “It’s been the sole source of my calories this week and I need something . . . juicy. A smoothie or something.”

I feel her inspection as I look down at the menu.

“Okay, tell me what’s up,” she says, leaning closer. “I saw you two weeks ago, but today you’re like a different person.”

“I’ve been working a ton. It’s a busy time—flu season is starting.” Without thinking, I glance at Viv, asleep in her stroller beside the table. “And things with Sean aren’t great.”

“Oh yeah?” Sabrina asks, and I don’t look at her face after she says it because I’m not sure how I’ll feel if her expression matches the giddy edge to her words. “What’s going on?”

I meet her eyes, giving her the spare me face. “Sabrina.”

“What?”

“Do we have to do this?” I feel like I’m going to break down in tears. “You know what’s going on.” Holding up a hand, I begin to count off the events on my fingers: “I barely know Sean. We get engaged after two months. I run into Elliot at Saul’s and seeing him is like . . . I don’t know, a kick to the soul. And then, what do you know? Elliot is back in my life and, surprise! I think things with Sean maybe aren’t so great.”

Sabrina nods but doesn’t say anything.

“You’re quiet now? I thought you’d be happy to hear this.”

“The point is that I want you to be happy. I want to see that spark I saw the other day. I want to see you blush when someone just looks at you.”