I can hear Sabrina’s pensive hum as I search blindly for my house key. “You’ll think of something.”

then

fourteen years ago

From: Macy Lea Sorensen <[email protected]>

Date: January 1, 11:00 PM

To: Elliot P. <[email protected]>

Subject: book

Hi Elliot,

Thanks again for Bridge to Terabithia and sorry for getting snot all over your shirt when I was trying to talk about it. Maybe now on the computer I can explain what I was trying to say.

I get why you gave me this book, and I just want you to know how thoughtful it was. I keep thinking about the first day I saw you in the closet, and how it’s sort of how Jesse hated Leslie for beating him in a race. I didn’t hate you, but I wasn’t sure I liked you, either. I guess it doesn’t matter because now it feels like you’re the person who understands me the best. Jesse and Leslie made up Terabithia as their sanctuary and when she died he brought May Belle there to be the new princess. Mom created this world of books with me, but without her I can bring you to the closet to share them instead.

I read it again on the drive home and started crying all over again and I thought my dad was going to totally lose it. He probably had no idea what was going on. He was all What is with you, weirdo? So he just pulled over and kept breathing all deep and asking me what happened. I told him you gave me this sad book. I told him how much it made me miss Mom. And then he cried when we got home, at least I think he did. He’s always so quiet so I’m never sure.

I hate being sad in front of him because it’s like he has this giant vault of sadness already and then he has to lock that all up just to take care of me. And when I think about it, I still have him, but he lost his whole world. Mom was the person he chose out of everyone and she’s gone. I don’t know. I think he doesn’t like to see me cry. But it was good to talk about her. I’m scared I’ll forget her. I miss her so much I need a new language for it.

There I go again. Anyway, did you finish Ivanhoed? That book was ginormous I would be asleep in about five minutes. I read the first page when you went to the bathroom and was all what? I understood about a millionth of it. What’s it even about?

Anyway, school tomorrow. Thanks again for the book. And for just letting me talk about it I guess.

xo

Macy

PS No one here understands that I just want to be another girl at school not the kid whose mom died and who needs to be treated like she can break. Thanks for just saying stuff and not acting like it’s all taboo.