‘Dear God,’ Maurice groans, and I swear I spot the faintest trace of a smile playing on Dr Patel’s lips. She’s enjoying herself, the sadist. To be fair, I’ve worked with her for a number of years and, while she’s held in very high esteem for her encyclopaedic knowledge of the human body and her ability to stay calm under pressure, she’s also known for having zero tolerance for fools. It’s no wonder she’s not impressed by Maurice.

I’m concentrating hard as I ease the bolt cutters into place but, despite our efforts, Maurice’s penis is still a little too swollen for me to get reliable purchase on the washer without risking catching his flesh in the jaws at the same time.

‘Blessing?’ I ask. ‘Can you stretch the skin a bit to give me a better view, please?’

‘Sure.’ She carefully grasps Maurice Minor and pulls the skin on either side away from the washer. Maurice sighs heavily.

‘Is everything OK?’ I ask him.

‘Yes,’ he replies. ‘I was just thinking about the irony of two beautiful young women handling Maurice Minor and him being totally unable to enjoy the moment.’

‘Are you for real?’ Blessing asks him, outraged.

‘Sorry. An attempt to lighten the mood.’

‘I would suggest that you keep your humour for a time when there isn’t someone about to attack your nether regions with a bolt cutter,’ I tell him blandly. ‘Ready?’

He closes his eyes tight shut as I manoeuvre the cutter onto the washer and carefully close the jaws. Annoyingly, the cut doesn’t go right through the metal so, after checking that I definitely don’t have anything in the path of the jaws that oughtn’t to be there, I take a second cut. This thankfully does the trick.

‘Very good, Tilly,’ Dr Patel observes. ‘What now? Prise the metal apart or make a second cut?’

We study the washer together for a moment. Although we might just be able to prise the metal apart far enough to get it off, it’s quite thick.

‘I think, on balance, I’d go for a second cut,’ I tell her.

‘Me too,’ she agrees. ‘Blessing, can you lift the penis so Tilly can get to the underside?’

As I close in with the cutters again, I can see what Dr Patel meant about broken skin. Maurice obviously tried very hard to remove the ring himself, as it’s practically raw under here. Very carefully, I manoeuvre the cutters into place and, when I close the jaws, I’m rewarded by a satisfying ‘ping’ as the washer splits in half and flies off.

‘Great job,’ Dr Patel says. ‘Right. I think our work here is done. Are you happy to take over now, Blessing?’

‘Yes, thank you for coming over.’