My amusement at her paranoia is swiftly replaced by mild irritation when she insists on travelling in the front with Will, ‘because I don’t feel safe if I can’t see the terrain in front of me.’ I did point out that the M25 was unlikely to contain any landmines, even if it was a disaster generally, but my argument fell on deaf ears, so I’m cooped up in the back of Will’s hatchback with the backpack while Lena regales him with stories of her various exploits.

‘Did I tell you Dad’s news?’ he asks me when she finally runs out of steam. The wedding venue is just outside Guildford but the traffic is typically dire so it’s taken us nearly two hours to reach the turning off the motorway. As Will predicted, a light snowfall has also begun, which has slowed everyone down even more.

‘No?’

‘He’s going on a proper date. With Brenda.’

‘Goodness. How do you feel about that?’

‘It’s a bit odd. I mean, I try not to think about the logical consequences of where it might end, but I’m pleased for him. He’s really nervous about it, which is kind of funny when you think how much time they’ve already spent together.’

‘Why would he be nervous?’ Lena seems genuinely baffled. ‘If she likes him enough to go on a date, he’s in there, isn’t he? She’s probably just waiting for him to jump her bones.’

‘Too much information, Lena,’ I interject, spotting the look of horror on Will’s face.

‘The problem with people over here is they’re too polite. If I like someone, I tell them to their face. Either they like me back, in which case we get straight down to business, or they don’t. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life’s too short to pussyfoot about. This Brenda is obviously up for it, so what’s your dad waiting for? Drinks, dinner, back to his and bosh.’

‘I don’t think Will wants to think about his dad and “bosh”,’ I explain. ‘Anyway, as you’ve pointed out so clearly, things move slower over here.’

‘Only because you’re all terrified of each other. I bet you I could get someone into bed after the reception tomorrow if I wanted to. What do you say? Ten pounds to make it interesting?’

‘No,’ Will and I say together.

‘Fair enough. I might do it anyway though, just to warn you. Maybe Mike and Sarah would be up for a threesome.’

‘I very much doubt it,’ I tell her firmly. ‘Ah, it looks like we’re here.’