‘Sarah’s mum and dad live in Norfolk,’ Mike explains. ‘Our working patterns this year mean we won’t have time to see both sets of parents over Christmas, so we’re going up there this weekend instead.’ He lowers his voice conspiratorially, as if letting Will into a precious secret. ‘Apparently, we’re going to do the whole thing as if it were for real. Stockings, presents under the tree, Christmas dinner. Bit fucking weird if you ask me, but I’m sure you know what it’s like. When the girl you love wants something, you’ll do anything you can to give it to her.’

‘Don’t call my parents weird,’ Sarah retorts before Will has a chance to say anything. ‘Yours are hardly a bastion of normality, are they?’ She turns to Will. ‘Mike’s family choose to spend all of Christmas Day in their pyjamas, apparently.’

‘That’s not weird. Lots of people do it.’

‘Matching pyjamas,’ Sarah finishes with a giggle. ‘A little bit of Stepford Wives in Canterbury.’

‘I’m ready,’ I announce, eager to get Will away from whatever stunt it is that Mike and Sarah are trying to pull. ‘Shall we go?’

‘Your flatmates seem nice,’ Will says carefully as we make our way downstairs.

‘Technically, only Mike is my flatmate, but you’re very tactful,’ I reply with a laugh. ‘I have no idea what that was, and I’m very sorry you had to go through it. I will be having a word with them, trust me.’

‘It’s fine. Mike was obviously sizing me up with whatever that handshake was. I just hope I passed the test.’

‘There is no test. He was out of order and I’ll be pointing that out to him tomorrow.’

‘OK. Before you get too hot under the collar though, there’s something I need to tell you about today.’

‘What?’

‘Audrey’s going to be there.’

‘I know that. That’s why we’re going.’

‘Not the helicopter. The person.’

‘What? When did you find this out?’

‘Just as I was getting ready to come and pick you up. Dad and boring Bernard were loading the helicopter into Bernard’s trailer when this car pulled up on the road and a woman got out. I assumed she was lost and wanting directions until Dad went over and hugged her.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it, if I’m honest. I was OK about him meeting her for a drink after we talked it through, but this feels like it’s becoming more. Do you think I’m being paranoid?’

‘What’s she like?’

‘She seemed nice enough when Dad introduced her. I was expecting an Australian accent, but apart from a very slight twang, she sounds as English as you and me.’

‘Tall, short? Good-looking?’