‘What an absolute, complete and utter bastard!’ Sarah exclaims when I’ve finished telling her and Mike about my meeting with Luke. ‘I’d cut his balls off and feed them to him on a plate. No. That’s too good for the likes of him. I’d cut his balls off, wipe his arse with them and then make him eat them.’

‘Bloody hell. Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you,’ Mike remarks from his station by the cooker. We’re having spaghetti bolognese tonight but, unsurprisingly, he doesn’t believe in anything as simple as a jar of pasta sauce, so he’s been chopping vegetables and the smell of garlic and onion in the pan is making my mouth water.

‘You’d better believe it,’ she tells him with a smile. ‘Hell hath no fury and all that. The thing that really grips my shit in all of this is that he tried to blame his poor wife for being a bit off sex because she was pregnant with his bloody child! “Sorry about your morning sickness, hun, but I’ve got needs so I’m just going to pop out and shag someone else. You don’t mind, do you?” What a self-entitled wanker.’

‘Technically, if he were a wanker, the problem wouldn’t have arisen,’ I tell her. ‘Cindy did make that point.’

‘I just hope, for her sake, that she found some cathartic and imaginative things to do while she was packing her stuff.’

‘It wouldn’t surprise me. She was understandably furious.’

‘I can’t believe he gaslit you like that either. He deserves a dipping sauce made of fresh vomit to go with his shitty balls for that.’

‘Sarah,’ Mike says. ‘Can we leave off the anatomy and human secretions for a while? I’m trying to create a delicious dinner here and you’re putting me off.’

‘That’s the problem with admin staff,’ Sarah says with a giggle. ‘No stomach for the nitty-gritty of hospital life.’

‘I heard that.’

‘You were meant to, sweetie.’

‘Do you get a lot of bodily fluids in oncology?’ I ask.

‘Oh, no, but I did a stint in A & E when I was training. I don’t know how you stand it, to be honest.’

‘Arsehole junior doctors aside, I think I like the fact that there’s never a dull moment. You can’t afford to turn your back for a minute without someone vomiting or collapsing.’

‘I’ll stick to oncology, thanks. Nice, regular patients and sensible hours. And, although I joke about Mike’s job, at least our schedules line up so we can spend time together.’