She’d said she wasn’t angry, so why her mother’s huge sigh?

‘Do you want to try going to the alternative School one more time?’

That was all it took for Kokoro to feel a weight in the pit of her stomach. Registering her silence, her mother continued, ‘Do you remember Ms Kitajima from the time we visited the School?’

The young teacher who’d shown Kokoro around. The one who’d remarked, So Kokoro, I understand you’re a student at Yukishina No. 5 Junior High School? Kokoro recalled the name tag on her chest, with her name and a portrait of her drawn by one of her pupils.

I went there too, she’d said, and smiled kindly. Kokoro had been so jealous of her then, an adult who never had to go to that junior high ever again. The woman’s short hair made her look so confident – and Kokoro had decided, No, she’s not at all like me.

‘Ms Kitajima said she’d love to talk to you again.’

Her mother gazed at Kokoro. Just as Kokoro had sensed, her mother seemed to be still in touch with the teacher, even though Kokoro wasn’t going to the School. After a silence, her mother continued, ‘The teacher said it’s not your fault at all that you can’t go to school. She was worried that something must have happened.’

Kokoro’s eyes widened ever so slightly.

‘She often reminds me, It’s not Kokoro-chan’s fault. As her mother, you shouldn’t ever get upset or blame her. That’s why, even though there are things I’d like to ask you, I’ve been holding back.’

If she was holding back, then why reveal all this stuff now? Her mother looked seriously at her.

‘The day after I found you weren’t here, I slipped away from work and came home again. And you weren’t here then, either, were you? I came home several times.’

Kokoro remained silent. Her mother gave her a tired look.

‘I was worried, wondering what I should do if you weren’t home by evening. I went back to work, and when I came home you were here, weren’t you? Looking as if nothing had happened. And I was thinking, So she’s going somewhere every day, and then calmly having supper with me. And when I thought that—’

‘OK, I get it. I won’t go anywhere any more. I’ll stay put in the house.’ Kokoro almost spat these words out, and she heard her mother gasp.

‘That’s not what I’m saying,’ her mother said. ‘I’m fine with you going out. But I would like to know where you go. The park? The library? You’re not going to Careo, are you? That game centre there—’

‘There’s no way I can go that far!’