Kokoro got caught on the word luckily, and so the rest of her mother’s words didn’t register.

Luckily, it’s the summer holidays now.

If it was term time, her mother would never, ever want anyone to see her daughter missing school and wandering around town.

‘I didn’t plan to tell you, but the other day I came home from work at lunchtime.’

Kokoro’s senses faded, as if she’d received an invisible blow to the back of her head.

‘And I found you weren’t here.’

‘Why did you come home?’ Kokoro shot back.

Kokoro knew it didn’t make sense to get angry, but she couldn’t help it. Daytime at home was her time, no one else’s. Doesn’t Mum trust me? she wondered. Did she come back to check up on me?

Kokoro was awkwardly aware of her facial muscles, the way her eyes moved.

‘Understand I’m not angry, Kokoro,’ her mother said. ‘I really wasn’t planning to say anything.’

‘Then why did you?’

‘Why?’ A knot of worry appeared in her brow, and her voice, calm until now, shot up a notch in pitch. ‘Because I was worried, that’s why! Your shoes were still by the front door and at first I thought, Oh my god, has she been kidnapped?’

‘My shoes.’

She hadn’t expected her mother to notice that sort of thing. Of course she’d gone into Kokoro’s bedroom, too. The mirror wasn’t shining, was it? She had no idea what the mirror was like when she wasn’t there, though it might be set up not to shine once she’d gone through it.

Kokoro had no clue how her mother interpreted the shoes being there. She might very well think Kokoro had worn other shoes and gone out.

‘Kokoro.’

Her mother’s eyes looked puzzled. Kokoro saw them and realized, with horror, that her mother no longer trusted her.

‘I told you, didn’t I? That I’m not blaming you? If you’re able to go out, I think that’s great. But where did you—’

‘I just went out for a bit, that’s all!’

Not true.

As she got this lie out, she felt she couldn’t breathe.

She hadn’t wanted to say it.

The truth was that Kokoro could no longer go outside.

On the high street, under the blazing sun, and where even the lighting in the convenience store was too glaring, just glimpsing the jerseys of the older boys from her school was enough to make her freeze. She really wished her mother could understand the distress she’d felt then. But all she could tell her was that she’d gone out. And this made her feel awful. Truly awful.

She was so terrified of going outside, and didn’t want her mother to think she was like other kids, able to go out whenever they felt like it.