‘I have had this feeling only once before in my life, do you have any idea what it is like to be with someone who has done that kind of thing, in your name, in your name, for you, does it help? No, it causes a pain, a disturbance that kills something, deadens your soul, it is unbearable to be around someone who is capable of doing that. Would your father want to be around you if you took revenge like that for him? When you are in the presence of that, that degree of imbalance, of mania, disturbance, don’t you understand, anybody of sane and sensitive mind cannot be around that kind of person. You become helpless in that situation, you do not want to be in the presence of that person, because that person, by going there and doing that, even if, like you, it’s just in their mind, they’re still corrupted, it becomes impossible to be with that person.’

Lomita twisted in her seat, stretched a little, exhaled and shook her head at the memory.

‘I feel drawn to you in the way I was drawn to Roberto and it scares me to think that it happened once and could happen again. What does that say about me? I then could not love him because of what he did, I couldn’t help, I had no power, but now I can and do and then we can remain in each others’ lives.’

She stopped and shook her head again, this time momentarily embarrassed at what she had just said.

‘If not with me,’

Another pause.

‘You can at least remain in someone’s life, your wife, your child, otherwise you can’t, don’t you understand? You remove yourself from the possibility of being loved by decency, by decent human beings. I don’t want that for you; please, never never, don’t let it happen, not twice in my life, this time I can help, I can have control. I beg you.’

During her increase in passion her voice had not risen in volume and she could see that Ever was drifting now in and out of a sleep. She threw in the words now as a ball tossed to a disinterested dog.

‘Oh God, I am, first off, not trying to tell you anything, just everything, really.’

The emphasis was on the word, trying.

‘I am saying that actions do not change the internal mechanism of a person, of a feeling. When they are done like that, for them. It doesn’t alter the outcome. The reality. They are merely actions, but they are performed with a consequence.’

She didn’t know whether to continue or not.

‘I am listening,’

Ever sensed her dispirit.

‘We had only been married six months, Roberto and me. Would you like more soup?’

‘Thanks, I’ll do it if I want more. You talk.’