I always thought I was a victim too. Addict boyfriend who pulled me down. Never able to get clean or on my feet. Always lingering on the outside of my own life, unable to step in fully. But don’t be a victim. Be a victor. I took from you when I shouldn’t have. But as the trial will be coming up, and I know I’m going to have to look into your and your daughter’s faces, see the pain in your eyes, I want you to know why I did what I did. They’ll spin things the way they want them spun, but I want you to hear my truth.

You might think you know what motivated me. Avenge my son and all that. But it wasn’t just about vengeance. Your husband took a life, just like my son took a woman’s soul. They can’t hide who they truly are—the worst kind of thieves. When I got sober almost a year ago, the first thing I did was go looking for my son. I hadn’t seen or spoken with him in over twenty years. Why? Because all I cared about was my high. My son stole that from me every time he’d flush my drugs down the drain, so I threw him out. Mom of the Year, right?

I looked for him because I wanted to show him I changed, that I was back for good—clean and sober. Word got around that I was searching for my son. I found him—well, a stranger living in his shoes. He told me my son was dead, and that if I kept our conversation a secret, he’d point me to the man who took my son’s life.

That led me to Owen. And it led me to you.

When I first confronted your husband that night you saw me, he told me to leave, told me my baby was a rapist piece of garbage. To find out that the son you bore became the thing you hate, well, it hurt. Bad. And to find out someone else took away my only chance at redemption, well, you obviously now know how I felt about it.

I came back full of vengeance that night you left. If I’d known your daughter was still home I probably wouldn’t have done it. But I thought Owen was home alone. Even more convenient that he had been drinking, left the open bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter. So I broke in—I’ve become adept at it over the years—gave him enough cocaine to kill him, and left feeling avenged.

Now all I feel is emptiness.