When May Gray turned into June Gloom and I could not face the relentlessness of being socked in by fog any longer, I found the courage to tell Bobby that I’d gotten an apartment of my own. The bougainvillea bloomed in magentas and purples in yards up and down our street, and the night air was thick with the smell of night-blooming flowers. Spring in Los Angeles was my favorite season, but May had been unseasonably cold, and the rain had continued well beyond what felt normal, into the first days of June. But after I said it, I drove around staring at newly blooming jacaranda trees, with their lilac petals dotting the sky and ground, and felt lighter.

What had attracted me to my new apartment was the wisteria in the front yard. When I went to look at the place, I lingered at the front window and looked at how hidden I was behind a shadow of flowers. It wouldn’t feel impossible to start over here, I thought. My bank account was flush with the money I had pulled out of my retirement fund, and I finally felt I had options.

The defeat that weighed on Bobby and me was mutual, though I didn’t quite want to believe that finally letting go was any kind of failure. Instead, I thought I was freeing him to be with someone who could love him the way he needed to be loved. Someone who would be the kind of wife he wanted, which was not me. It seemed impossible to say these things without appearing callous or glib, though. I just told him I was leaving, and he told me he couldn’t watch me leave, and so he went away for the weekend. He could not watch me pack my things, but I had to text him periodically to ask him what I could take.

Do you want the round wooden bowl?

Leave it.

If you keep that, can I have the candlesticks?

You never used them before.

I know, but I still might, I texted back.

Are you taking the KitchenAid?

Yes, I texted him.

You never even took it out of the box during our entire marriage.

I know.

You said you would.

I can’t argue about the KitchenAid again.

It’ll stay in the box forever.

We never had counter space to use it.

That’s not what it was, he texted back.

Then what was it?

I watched as the floating dots on the text screen undulated and then disappeared.