“Oh no, I meant every word. Because I thought you were Shadowborn, I hoped to provoke you into an emotional response—the more negative the better, as that’s what demons are drawn to, even within themselves. It worked, in a way, albeit not how I’d imagined.” He sighs and turns around, a bored expression on his face. “As for Nicholas, if you cause a problem or distract him from his path to the throne, I won’t hesitate to turn you in to the Regents and tell their Merlins exactly how to trigger you so they can throw you in a lab somewhere and investigate you for themselves.”

A chill runs through me at his words. Is that what would happen? Nick never said—

“If you continue through initiation as you are, you’ll undoubtedly fail the combat trial, which means I only need to wait a few weeks to be rid of you. Something tells me that with Nicholas’s obnoxiously earnest assistance, you’ll find some loophole out of your Page status and the chapter as a whole. Maybe he’ll use your non-Vassal background to call for an exception to lifelong membership, claiming you were a failed experiment. Or perhaps he’ll call in a favor with his father, who will grant it out of guilt and appreciation that his son has finally accepted his birthright. Then, when you leave us, you won’t break the Code of Secrecy to expose the Order since you genuinely care for Nicholas, and doing so would make our once and future king’s life that much harder, hindering our mission. Do I have the right of it?”

My jaw almost hits the dirt floor.

“Thought as much. In short, right now I have far greater concerns than the ‘mystery of you,’ not the least of which is the likely imminence of Camlann. Such concerns also include the truly active threats to both Nicholas’s life and the chapter I am Oathbound to protect.” The type of threats that I will be punished for—painfully—if I don’t pursue them. He doesn’t add that next bit, but I hear it anyway, remembering what Lord Davis said about Sel’s Kingsmage Oath burning a hole through his throat.

“I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head, “I just can’t get over the fact that you have definitely, definitely made violent threats on my life and now you’re just… not.”

“Don’t think for a second that I didn’t mean those violent threats, because I absolutely did. Still do, to be quite honest, should you force my hand. At the moment, however, I’m reconsidering how I described you,” he murmurs, climbing gracefully over the small hill. “I should have called you both silly and self-centered.”

I’m fuming, but I follow behind him in silence. I don’t want to give him any more verbal ammunition.