I’m ready for her question and keep my voice as calm as possible. “It’s one of the secret societies.”

Alice’s eyes grow wide. “I’ve heard of those! Can you tell me which one?”

“No, sorry,” I say. I’m so sorry, Alice.

She pouts. “I was hoping to get tapped by the Order of the Golden Fleece, but someone told me they don’t go for EC kids. If that doesn’t work, then DiPhi it is.”

DiPhi is Carolina’s student debate society. If Alice joins them, we’ll both be in historic student orgs. The only difference is that she can list her membership on her resume.

Lying to Alice after last night and this morning makes me feel like a complete asshole. Maybe this is why Sel is the way he is? Angry and grumpy and accusatory. And maybe this is another reason why Nick doesn’t want to be involved with the Order. All the lying, the strain of being on this campus and living two different lives. I sigh. “Nick says I’ve got to keep it secret, keep it safe.”

“Did you just Lord of the Rings me?”

“Nope.” I grin. “I just Fellowship of the Ring’d you.”

Her face takes on a sly expression. “Why do you say his name like that?”

“Say whose name like what?”

The ends of her mouth lift. “Your voice got all funny when you said ‘Nick.’ It’s the same exact way you used to say Scott Finley’s name.”

“I did not say Scott’s name in any particular way.” She did not have to do me like that. I was eleven when I had a crush on Scott Finley the baseball player.

Best friends and their deep cuts.

Alice points at me accusingly. “Lying liar who lies!” My heart clenches, even though I know she’s joking. She rushes over to perch on the end of my bed. “What’s Nick look like?”

We’d only started talking again—for-real talking, like best friends—since the morning, but the warmth spilling from her brown eyes fills my cup in a way I hadn’t known I needed. With my mother’s secrets—and lies—looming since the session with Patricia, and the memories of last night rising up like a nightmare every other hour, sitting with my best friend and talking about a cute boy is beyond refreshing. And, like nothing else in my life right now, it’s easy.

Still, I can feel my cheeks burning. “Blond hair, blue eyes, and…”

“And?” Alice prompts, waving her hand for more. Laughter escapes me in a freeing rush. God, this feels good.