I don’t know why, but suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so I pushed past her and ran out of the room, out of the unit, and back next door to my home. Even though I closed the door behind me, I could still hear her laughter coming through the walls. I wiped the cold sweat that had wrapped itself around my neck and then I went to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet.

Small red pills.

Wedged between a box of Band-Aids and a bottle of purple cough syrup in the medicine cabinet. I shook the bottle, listened to the rattling noise they made, and then swallowed three. I waited for the alarms to go off, the sirens to blare, something warning the world that I was about to cross the line. Nothing. So I shook a few more into my hand and that’s when I noticed him.

Leaning in the doorway.

The bottle slipped onto the ground and the little pills scattered across the tile floor like candies.

“Headache,” I whispered.

The word bounced off the mirror because I didn’t want to turn and see his face. I didn’t ask what he was doing there, why he was in my house, watching me swallow too many Extra Strength Tylenols, because then I would need to explain and I figured if I didn’t ask him, he wouldn’t ask me.

“Let’s get out of here.”

I wasn’t sure which one of us said it first.

I followed him outside and, even though the weather was warmer than it had been in months, he zipped his jacket. We walked into town and then towards the building he had taken me to months ago. We climbed onto the roof and I could hear the traffic below, cars honking, people talking. He took out his sketchbook and started to draw and I waited patiently.

A little while later, he walked to a corner of the rooftop and turned away from me to pee. It pooled and then trickled down and reminded me of a misshapen cloud.

“You saw my mom.”

Everything inside screamed at me to lie. “Yeah.”

He dug inside his pocket and stuck a piece of gum in his mouth, throwing the crumpled wrapper onto the ground. He chewed, making it crack like gunshots, and then he was next to me. Before I could stop him, his hand was behind my neck and he was pushing his face into mine, his lips into mine, and then finally, slipped his gum into my mouth. Cinnamon saliva dripped down my chin and I wiped it with the back of my sleeve.

“Here.” He shoved an envelope into my hand.

“What’s this?”

“Take it.”

I didn’t have anywhere to put it so I held it in my hand.

“Look at it after you’re gone.”

Franny

The ball inside me was bouncing.