I know she meant to make me feel safe and I wanted to feel that way. I could hear Leah humming small little pieces of songs that I did not recognize. I felt my grandmother’s arms around me and I thought about her words. I wanted to feel protected, like everything was going to be okay. But all I felt was tired of being scared. Tired of being the one that people always thought they had to take care of.

Therese

It was Therese’s job to spot the red ones.

Then Tim would slow the car down so that by the time they reached the traffic light, it would have already changed from red to green, without them ever having had to come to a full stop. There were no cars on the road at that hour of night and they coasted along the black streets like pirates.

Matilda craved motion. She needed to be rocked, pushed, moved, and driven. The few times they were forced to stop, she would hold her breath and let out a scream that made Therese’s eardrums vibrate so violently that afterward she would need to lie down with a cold compress across her forehead. Tim took Matilda driving at night because that was the only way to get her to sleep. Therese came along because she liked looking into other people’s houses.

“We need to start thinking about a place of our own,” she said, trying to peek inside a house whose lights were on.

“No.”

As they slowed down at a stop sign, Matilda started puffing air through her lips.

“What’s your problem?” Therese asked, turning away from him and tilting her head to get a better angle of the house they were passing.

“She’s going to lose it any minute.”

“I didn’t mean about the baby. I meant about your mother. Why can’t we leave her and find a place of our own?”

“No.”

He pumped the gas and the car lurched forward. Therese looked up, realizing she had forgotten to warn him about the red light. He came to a full stop even though they were the only ones on the road. The sputters coming from the backseat sounded like the first few drops of a rainstorm getting bigger and meaner until they all ran into each other and formed one long continuous wail.

“Just run it,” Therese said, reaching back to jiggle Matilda, which only made her angrier.

“No,” Tim said as the shrieks got louder and bounced off the windshield, making the air around them shake. Therese pursed her lips and squinted her eyes, but he just gripped the steering wheel tighter and waited for the light to turn green.

“Are you trying to punish me?” she asked.

“The light will change in a second.”

“I don’t mean about the light, I mean about your mother.”