My hips sank down and my eyelids got heavy. I stared at my nightlight, willing myself to stay awake, but then the brightness got smaller and dimmer and before I could stop myself, I was back in the red, in the dampness, in the cold. Someone was screaming loud, shrill empty screams that became hollow-sounding the closer I got. I wanted to wake up. I wanted it to stop, but something pulled me down further and then it was so close I had to cover my ears. The lights flashed and the floor shook and in the streak of white I saw.

The person screaming was me.

When I opened my eyes, she was sitting beside me, stroking my hair and whispering that everything was going to be okay. She was wearing a white blouse with light blue buttons that reminded me of a doll I once had.

“Where were you?”

She stood up and I leaned into my pillow. She walked over to the mirror, bringing her face so close that it was almost touching. “I told you, Matilda. I had to work and then I went out for a late dinner.” She licked her finger and stroked her eyebrow into shape. “How was your evening?”

I hugged the pillow tight and mumbled into the softness. “Perfect.”

“Good.” She smiled, turning away from the mirror. “You were screaming when I came in.”

I didn’t answer.

“Are you okay now?”

“You went out for dinner?”

She pulled her fingers through the back of her hair. “Yes.”

“When are we going to get Franny?”

A piece of her hair fell out of place.

“Mom?”

“Hmm?” The renegade hair was now back where it belonged.

“When?”

She reached out to touch my shoulder, but I batted her hand away and then the perfectly smoothed eyebrow arched.

“Goodnight, Matilda.” She came so close I couldn’t help but breathe her in. Her eyes darted back and forth across my face, like she was reading a book. Then she whispered in my ear, making the hairs on the back of my neck sting. “You have been seeing that boy.”

“Leave me alone.”

I turned away, but not before she reached across and slapped me. The pain radiated quickly through my skin and then settled inside my mouth. I clenched my teeth.

She stood up, walked to the door, and then turned back around.

“I don’t care what you think of me,” she said. Her face turned white, like it was covered in chalk dust. I tried to sink further into the bed. “I only care that you do what I say. Do not go near that boy again.”

I didn’t answer.

“Matilda.” She spoke my name, quietly even though her fists were drawn up at her sides. “Did you hear me?”

I nodded.

“Then we understand each other.” She left the room without turning around again. I heard her walk into hers and slam the door.