I wasn’t sure what to do next. My stomach started to tighten, squeezing the M&Ms and pretzels inside of me. I pressed the palms of my hands together and stared at the spinning clothes, but now all it did was make me feel dizzy. I dug around inside my backpack and found a book I had taken out from the library about a pig and a spider. The farmer wanted to kill the pig because he was a runt. After a few pages, I put the book away.

A woman came in, dragging a big bag of laundry behind her, and two little boys followed. They looked the same, one bigger than the other, with short buzz haircuts that made me want to rub the tops of their heads. The older one kept pinching the younger one, but every time the mother looked over he would stop. She didn’t look over very often because she was too busy trying to stuff all of their dirty clothes into one machine. The older one was drinking milk out of a carton. When he saw me looking, he stuck his tongue out and his spit spilled out in white stretchy strings. His mother walked over to the change machine and he got out of his chair and came closer to me. He still had the milk in his hand and I could make out the picture of a missing child on the side. I wondered if Leah would put a picture of me on a milk carton. I wondered if I was missing.

I took a deep breath, but all I could smell was electric heat and detergent. I put the halfempty bag of pretzels into my backpack and went outside. Walking in the dark made me feel clean and I wondered if that’s how the astronauts felt when they were floating in space. I started thinking about planets again and how easily they understood where they fit in and before I knew it I found my way back to Leah’s house.

It looked different in the dark. All the lights were on and I could make out the white and blue flash of the television. I started to walk up the path, but then I stopped and instead, I turned and walked to the back of the house. I lay down on the grass and propped my backpack underneath my head and stared up, breathing in so deeply I worried I might loosen one of the stars from its spot in the sky. It was black outside and I felt like I was invisible. I pulled my jacket up close around my ears and turned on my side. Soon the letters in my head quieted and Leah’s garden wrapped itself around me. Fireflies danced near my head and the air smelled sweet, like candy. I looked back up at the sky and wondered if one day I would finally be able to figure it out.