ME: I’m going to need you to not use the main-floor bathroom, if that’s okay.

JACK: And why am I not allowed to use the one bathroom on the main floor of my house?

ME: It’s become my floral storage room. I know it’s a pain in the ass but it’s the coldest room and it’s starting to get hot as balls.

ME: Besides, there’s a bathroom in the basement, which is where you spend 99% of your time anyway.

JACK: Fine. But I require one free beer the next time I come to the bar.

ME: Fuck off.

ME:

GEMMA: Shit, Sade, your Instagram is going off the charts! Are you getting tons of orders?

ME: Honestly? No. My IG is killing it but the likes aren’t translating to sales unfortunately.

HARLEY: I’m sure things will pick up soon!

ME: Hope so.

NICK: Hi, some of us have real jobs and would prefer to not have our phones going off every five seconds.

GEMMA: Harley has a real job.

ME: Gemma definitely has a real job.

GEMMA: Sadie is building a prosperous business.

ME: Aww, thanks, friend.

NICK: Seriously?

ME:

GEMMA:

ME:

GEMMA:

NICK: I hate you both.

ME: I’M SORRY!!!!!

JACK: Fuck, did you burn down my house?

ME: No.

ME: Do you seriously think I’d tell you I burned down your house in a text?

JACK: No, you’d probably move out of state first and then send me a telegram.

ME: We should really bring back the telegram. Stop.

JACK: You were apologizing for something?

ME: Oh shit. Yeah. Sorry the kitchen is a mess. I had to run out to make this delivery on time but I promise I’ll clean it all up as soon as I get back.

JACK: Business is going well then?

ME: Eh. It could be better. But I had more orders this week than last so I’ll take it.

JACK: Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.

ME: Have I mentioned you’re the best roommate in the history of roommates?

JACK: Not nearly often enough.

ME: I’ll pick up dinner on my way back to the house. Sushi?

JACK: Sure.

ME: See you soon!