But for tonight, I just got dumped. I just got dumped in public when I was mostly expecting a proposal. I just got dumped by a man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It’s embarrassing, to say the least.

And the truly terrible part is it’s not the first time this has happened to me. Or the second. Or even the third.

Stupid, stupid asshole-face Evan is the fourth man I thought was “the one.” The fourth man whose parents took me in as one of their own. And the fourth man to very clearly not want to make me a permanent member of the family.

I pull away from May and dab at my eyes with my napkin. “I’m an idiot,” I say, my voice so quiet she has to lean in to hear me.

“We’re not going to do that tonight.” May moves the pickles out of the way, making room for the slice of cheesecake that’s the size of my head. “We can talk about your terrible relationship decisions tomorrow, LP.”

“Gee, thanks.”

She shrugs, helping herself to a bite of cheesecake. “You know I’m right. But as I said, we’re not going to talk about that tonight. Tonight, we will eat and drink until we feel like puking, and then go crawl into that big-ass bed of yours and watch whatever chick flicks your little romance-loving heart desires.” May’s voice takes on a serious tone, one that’s rare for her. “I’m sorry that little shithead broke your heart, my friend, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that you are better off without him.”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong—”

“I’m never wrong.”

I roll my eyes but pair it with a tiny smile. “I’m not saying you’re wrong. About Evan. But I need some time to process all of this before I can just learn a lesson and move on, knowing he taught me something or whatever.”

May snorts into her wine.

“I know it’s cliché, but you know what I mean, May.” I chug half a glass of water before reaching for my martini glass in a silent request for another cocktail. Then I think better of it and go back to the water.

“The snort was about you taking time to process.” She taps her watchless wrist. “You’ll be in a new, long-term, fully committed relationship within twenty-one days.”

“That is both precise and insulting.”

She grins, showing off a smile of straight white teeth framed by perfectly lined red lips. “You’re incapable of being single, LP.”