Gemma sways a little in her seat and I’m thinking she might be calling in sick tomorrow. “You do nice things for people all the time. Just shut up and accept it. Fuck, your whole career is doing nice things for people. Either bringing them flowers or serving them drinks. Nice things.”

“I don’t think it counts if I get paid for doing the nice things. But anyway, can we get back to the real topic at hand?” That’s how desperate I am to never have to hear about how nice I am again; I’ll willingly change the subject back to me and Jack. “I thought you both cared so much about how much I like Jack and how much he doesn’t want to kiss me.”

Gemma rolls her eyes. “He so wants to kiss you.”

“I think that has been well established at this point, Sadie. I think the real question is, will just a kiss be enough, for either of you?”

I know it won’t be for me. I don’t even have to think about it or consider Harley’s question. I want more than just a kiss from Jack. More than just a one- or two-night bang sesh. But saying it out loud is a totally different animal.

Gemma hands me her remaining margarita. “Drink this and then answer.”

I chug the remainder of her cocktail, even though it’s mostly melted ice at this point. Whatever. Liquid courage is liquid courage. “I don’t want to just kiss him. I want him to be my— Fuck, I’ve literally never even had a real one. Not once.”

“You want him to be your boyfriend!” Gemma squeals, punching both arms in the air triumphantly.

I bury my hands in my hair. “I want him to be my boyfriend.”

Harley claps her hands, and I’m pretty sure the entire restaurant is staring at us. “This is so exciting!”

“It’s not exciting at all. It’s nauseating. And terrifying. Why do you people put yourselves through this?” My head falls onto my arms, crossed on top of the sticky table.

Harley runs a soothing hand through my hair. “It’s worth it.”

“What if he thinks I’m not worth it?” I mutter into the crook of my arms, mostly hoping they don’t hear my question.

“Then he’s an idiot and we’ll kick his ass.” Gemma could do it too.

I sit up and look at each of them. “I don’t deserve you guys. And I’m scared I don’t deserve him either.” That’s the sentiment I was trying to convey to Jack the night of the studio surprise. I don’t feel like I deserve him, and I don’t know what I could possibly bring to the table, to a man like him.